Going

We have been on the go all day. Started out this morning at 8am for therapy,a 2 hour time today..Thank GOD we pay only a set price. It is not like in the states by the hour. We picked up Carlos on the way and then took him home afterwords..Any where you go here takes about 20 to 30 mins. each way. Lots of traffic but I will admit,I love to drive here. It is an adventure..After returning Carlos home we came home and started on lasagna. With only a 2 burner hot plate it takes awhile to cook anything. After putting it together we headed back over to Carlos' to use the oven. But it was well worth all the work. Not bragging but I made a very good patch of lasagna. We also enjoy the company of Carlos, his mom Monica,and then his sister Alma came in later for a quick bite and visit. I so much appreciate Carlos and his family. I am going to miss them when I return to the states..We arrived back home at 9pm and that was our day. I need days like today occassionally. Breaks up the time some. Also the christian company is alway uplifting. Sonia, with DIF is to return to the office Monday. I also believe that the State of Chihuahua will return next week too. I hope to start to hear how the finalization of the adoption is coming along. Before she left for vacation she had told us that the judge had reviewed our case and promised to hurry it along..I am praying for truth in those words..My mom is doing alot better and Hap is hanging in there. Sandra spoke alittle more english today..Just a few words but it is coming along.. I have missed Faith, our friend at IFM. They have had a team in this week to do ministry here in Juarez.That keeps them very busy..But we got to see John for a few minutes today when he stopped in to pick up some papers for another lady, Barbara from Kentucky who has hooked up with Gladney to try and finish her adoption of 2 children. John also picked up some tomales for Faith that we had been saving..When I think about it..There are alot of things I am going to miss here in Mexico. But I look forward to getting back and starting our FAMILY life all together with my husband,son and extended family. I have a picture here on the table of Hap,Michael, Pam and my grandson Tyler..It gets hard to look at sometimes..I so miss them...Anyway..A good day..I love you Hap and miss you bunches...

Learning to Be a Girl Mom

I sure am learning alot of new things. Learning to have a daughter is something. We colored her hair today. Not much of a change but she feels better about it. I am happy because she trusted me to do it. Thank the LORD that it was a very slight change of color and she liked it or I could have had the blame. We went and picked it out and everything. Girls are really different that boys. I am learning that. She is all girl too. We have had a good day. I really am having to encourage her with the english..She told me she gets very nervous about it but she promises she will do well. I know she will too. She is a very smart girl.
I am hoping to hear something soon from the visa acceptance..I know I am hoping for the quick response but that's ok. I can have hope but I also know what reality is too. We are over half way and we will be home soon. She really wants to see Hap. I am kinda of waiting to see if we will need him here for anymore paperwork. I hate to have him come for a visit and then have to turn around and come right back. Even tho I really miss him. There is another family that has hooked up with Gladney. They started out of their own and realized that you have to have an agency at a certain point. I can not even beging to think of doing this on our own. Praises to GLADNEY. The State of Chihuahua has been on vacation the last week and a half. They return next Monday so maybe all our papers will be start to finish up on this side too. I am ready to get home and get back to catching up on all the things that have had to sit and wait for me. We need to get things ready for my mom to come home. Her home is right next door to ours and I am praying that I will return before she does. We need to check into home health care for her. She is doing very well in rehab. Just has fears of not doing well. Hap has done a great job of encouraging her. She is 83 and needs us. She is also missing me very much and it is hard to hear her say that each day and know I can only wait and finish stuff here. I had become her helper since my Dad died almost 7 years ago. Hap has stepped in for me while I have been gone. It was much easier on him before her falls. Now he has to keep things going with her care at rehab and things at her home. My brother also helps but he has a sick wife so he is busy on his own.It has taken all of me and Hap to do this adoption and take care of things in both places. Praise GOD for helping us during all this. I am so thankful to have the LORD in our lives. To be our strength and helper. To guide us each day. For giving us a daughter to go with our son who the LORD blessed us with 26 years ago. Almost 27..He will soon be 28..Hard to believe how fast they grow..Soon we will all be together..All of us learning to be a family.

Everyone

Just thinking about how much everyone lives through each day. How everyone has some sort of trouble or trial going on somewhere in their lives..With their families..jobs..finances..personal struggles..etc.. Some let it weigh them down and cause a bitterness that might never be repaired.Some let it consume them which causes matter to be worse..Some carry on numb never really feeling, just going thru the motions.Then some who find a joy in the middle of their troubles..They continue to live life to the fullest..Enjoying every moment that GOD gives them..Glorify Him in the struggles..I am growing to a point that I want to never loose ground on..I so want to continue to always know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel..Always..That I am doing the best I can no matter what the things around me look like...Learning to overlook things that cant be changed.Not letting the moment get the best of me.. Knowing that GOd has choosen the paths that we follow..and making the most of it..I am so thankful that the dark days of last week have pasted..They were really dark..I had to just let go of everything and know that all would be ok..Not get consumed by circumstances..Just know to do the best you can..How can we face the troubles and bring gloriy to him who will reward us one day..and show that we have someone who, no matter what our troubles look like, gives us strength and courage to live life happy with whatever the path?

A Special Thank You

This is just a public THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed and helped Hap and I through this journey. I know from my side that all of you have helped me get by during days I was wondering...You will never understand how much I have appreciated your words..Because words will not describe the thanks I feel..And Cathy..You sure do know how to pray..Maybe we should think about you leading prayer at bible study..I miss your sense of humor at group..I miss everyone at group..Hello to all of you..Robyn and Jayne, Randy and Rae, Randy and QB, Cathy, Dennis, and last but not the least in anyway, my wonderful HUSBAND,,I love you...I love you all but Hap is kinda special...Special in many ways that I miss..He has been a rock for me while I have been down here..He has stepped up to things and done them that I never imagined. I am so proud of him and thankful for him..ANYWAY mush time is over and time to get back to the day....GOD's blessings to all and I pray that we will all experience the peace of following our LORD everyday.

Reminders

Well we heard today it will maybe be another 4 weeks or so..I think it made it easier to know it is not forever..She is so worth what is going on..I told her today that I was thankful that GOD choose her to be our daughter..A friend sent her devotion to me and it talked about it not being so much the outcome of our trials as much as it is how we handle the time from start to finish that brings glory to JESUS..I want to please him..He also gave us these emotions that can really work you sometimes, so that we will learn to give it all to him...We visited the old orphanage buildings today..Nothing but empty soundless buildings..Mari and Marina were there..They are two girls who use to work for the orphanage and also grew up in an orphanage..They are ok..They live with a christian couple who took them in when the old place closed..They are struggling to get by but they are getting by..THey took some money that was given to them and started a little business of selling Ice drinks on the road side..They do ok.The weather is perfect for selling ICE. We have been well into the 100's.
The christian couple who did take them in, the husband lost his job when I first arrived down here so he works with them. They have 3 kids of their own and Mari and Marina. They all stay at the old orphanage sometimes to keep stealing down.They have a very small place they rent.But the mom told me today it is a day by day trust in GOD that carries her thru. I thought my problems were a struggle..People are so in need down here..Today reminded me of what keep me coming down here all these years...People in need. Kids and adults..The need is great and my heart has always been here..Thanks LORD for the reminder..Things are good..My spirit has been lifted by Christ and good friends with words that GOD sends by way of them. I feel a new strength after our visit to the old place..God sent me confirmation about what I am doing and what all lead up to it..Only time will tell what the LORD wants me to do with the things I have learned here..But today put a feeling back in my heart that had been covered by my own needs and thoughts. I also remember all the kids that have been adopted. I miss them alot too. I am thankful for today, LORD. For the vision you have restored to me..That there is more than just me and my works..THere is your work to be done. And after you finish with my growth I will use it to please you..Thanks to everyone back home for the words you send and the love you have shown to Hap and I. Sandra also...We will be home soon..Please keep praying for our papers and favor of JESUS on them as they travel through the system...P.S. I miss and love you more each passing day my husband..And Sandra and I both look forward to being in Florida with you..in the near future...

Struggling

It has been a day of struggles..I could feel them starting a few days ago and have tried to deny them. But to confess them is hard. I am weak and only the strength of the LORD is carrying me now. I need him to just let me know I am OK. That everything is going to be OK. Deep inside I know that everything is fine and that GOD is in control but these emotions can be very hard..I am human and most of my life I have found other ways to deal with things.. For the first time I am trusting everything in me to GOD. I am working to finish things here and return home. It is getting harder to get through each day..There is only so much you can go and do. There is only so much you can do in a 2 room house. I know if I am struggling that Sandra is too. We are trying to have a routine and live a normal life but it is not normal. She is studing and understanding english better each day. But there is only so much english to study in a day.So much spanish for me to study in a day. I read alot but there is only so much of that to do in a day. I know all this will work itself out. I just long to get back to home and really show our daughter what a family does. I have had to put limits on her computer time. But in the back of my mind WHY??? What else is there for her to do..Watch TV?? Clean house??[Our place is spotless]Clean the van? Chat with me?? [Please dont think I am losing my mind, I am just expressing feelings.] So we make it through another day. I am thankful that our papers are moving Stateside. I just pray that every hand that touches any of our papers will feel the power of the spirit and swiftly pass them on toward the end. Our agency asked us to get a paper with alittle more detail of how we met Sandra and last week[friday]when we ask DIF[Mexico childrens services]for it they said we needed to put it in writing. So today Carlos printed it out and we took it to DIF and they said that they had put that in the papers they had given us and that if uscis wanted more they needed to request it. Now tomorrow that could change and they could call with the info..So the story with DIF continues. They are suppose to come for a house inspection in the morning. So we will see how that goes. We will make it I know. Just a day by day stepping in Faith towards the end. Please pray for us. All of us,Hap,Sharon and Sandra. Know I am ok just writing the feelings for the day. I love you my husband,[I know he reads this]. We know that this is for a time. That GOD is growing me and Hap each day. When the time is right we will head to Florida to really get started at being a family. Anyway, I am strong in spirit, only with the strength of GOD and I know that all will work out for his glory..Please pray with us that we will be able to go home soon and for GOD's grace to carry our papers thru...

Looking Forward

I am looking forward. Forward to what is next in the journey that we started 7 weeks ago. Seeing where we have been. Thankful that I am drawing closer to what GOD wants me to be. Hoping that he will see fit for me to return to Florida soon but when he is ready and I am ready..I am excited to see what GOD has for me to do with the things he is teaching me..I know all of this is for a purpose..He is even starting to show me meekness.. I want to be more loving in his way. I dont have to survive anymore I want to live. Live knowing that he is in control... We are praying for some wonderful things hopefully this week with our papers...we shall see..But if not this week,soon..I so want to be with my husband,and have my son meet his sister. My mom meet her granddaughter.Hap's mom and dad in North Florida and ALL the aunt and uncles and cousins.. I want Sandra to see what a family is and start the next journey together..All of us...

Thy gentleness hath made me great,
and I would gentle be.
Tis love that plans my lot, not fate,
Lord, teach this grace to me.
When gales and storms thy love doth send
That I with joy may meekly bend.

Thy servants must not strive nor fight, But as their master be.
Tis meekness wins, not force nor might,
Lord, teach this grace to me
Though others should resist my love,
I may be gentle as a dove,
.
P.S. I love you even more today my husband and Thank you for all that you are doing for my mom....And thank you all you relatives in North Florida,Tommy,Debbie,Jan,Mom and Dad, and who ever else up there is reading...It makes me feel better to know I have some connection to all of you too..Keep up the prayers which I KNOW goes without saying...later..Love to you all..

Enjoying Friends

What an enjoyable day. We arrived at Carlos' at 11:am. Carlos had mentioned to me that he had a friend who does eye exams and glasses. Well I have been without my glasses for about 2 years now so I thought I would check it out. The guy was there when we arrived and did my eye exam. 6 hours later he shows up with a cool pair of progressive lens glasses for a total price of $120. Now is that a blessing of what..During that time Carlos mom Monica and I started the process of tamales..It is alot of work but man what a remarkable meal. Verde and rojo..pork and queso..YUMMY..So I will have to practice when I get home. It was really a relaxing day. They are good christian people who lift me and are turning out to be some of my best friends here. Plus the man who did my glasses donates 40% of his money on glasses to missionarys in Juarez. I am happy to know that our papers are moving but at the same time am fighting with human emotions that want to place fear in me. All fear is given over moment by moment to the LORD..He is my sheild..And anytime I feel any emotions whelling up they are given to him. That is probably one of the most important things I am learning here..Not to dwell on things. To do my best with the knowledge GOD gives me and to turn the rest over to him. Striving to develop the fruits of the spirit is disipline. It doesnt come easy. But with Christ all things are possible. Also when things arent on the what we humans call the good side..I am learning to accept them as lessons from GOD and except them all with joy..Joy to know that GOD will teach me something here if I listen and obey..I was starting to fret the other day over the papers and trying to get them to a translator. I had spoken to one who said he would do what needed to be done..But that old control part of me started to rise and I was within a few blocks of doing it myself when I heard a voice say. GO HOME AND LET ME DO WHAT YOU HAVE ASKED..TRUST ME AND KNOW I AM ABLE..Well I turned that van around in faith and drove the 20 mins back home and there was the proof that GOD didnt need me to cover him...It is a day by day stepping..Stepping back and knowing GOD is in control and I dont have to be..Thats is my weakness and he is working in me...and I am thankful...P.S. I love you my husband ,and look forward to when we can be together again..

It's Friday

Well its Friday. I am thankful that another week has past. Thankful that our papers are moving and thankful to be alive. We had what we thought would be our last therapy session today but Sandra is dealing with some personal teenage issues so we will return next week. Somethings have come up that I knew would I just thought it would be later when we were settled at home..It is nothing of great concern to a mature adult but to a teenage girl I am sure it feels like the end of the world. All is well. It is actually a really good bond builder between her and I. So again I am thankful. When I look at the big picture it is so amazing how GOD works everything for the good. Tomorrow is a big day. Sandra and I are going to Carlos' house to learn to cook tamales..OH YEA..So it will be a fun day of good company. His mom is a very strong christian woman. So between her and Carlos Sandra will get all the christian support, in spanish ,that she so needs right now..This is a time that I wish I knew more spanish. The computer translator just doesnt do a good job with deep emotional statements. Sometimes when you are on a really serious subject it will spell out something really dumb and you lose the moment..Anyway...I am still praying that we will soon be home in FLORIDA..I am longing for my family there..I miss Hap alot and I know he misses me. But praise GOD we are standing tall and doing the work that GOD has placed before us..If you read this Hap ..I so miss you and want to tell you and the rest of the WORLD that I love you very very much..I feel like half of me is missing. But I am very thankful that you are doing such a great job of holding things together there. I know it is not easy for you. But GOD knew what he was doing when he placed us together almost 30 years ago. We are a team and I really appreciate who you are and what GOD has made of you..

The Struggle

Wow,What a day. We are moving forward with papers and time but for some reason today has been a struggle for me...Really a day I had to fight with thoughts and feelings..I know it is just human garbage that is trying to weigh me down..But I have trusted and leaned on the LORD alot today. Our papers are being processed and mailed to Homeland Security in the States and translations are happening..We need one more letter that was suppose to be simple but DIF is making it into another long process..I guess it is just how they do it..But I am thankful it is being done.DIF will also be doing a home inspection on Tuesday..alittle late, we have been here 6 weeks.. We have our last therapy session with Sandra's therapist tomorrow morning. We have come along way. I had her say somethings in english today and she is very good at the language. She is so shy..She blushes when she speaks..She is amazing..I so look forward to getting her home.So she can see me in my home and how we interact as a family. But as I have to remember GOD has let this take place so I will understand her feelings when she arrives in Florida..I am pretty sure I will know exactly her feeling of being in a strange place and what to expect as the weeks pass for her..She will do fine..She will have one of the best support systems I know ..Our family, our church family and friends.. I just have to dig in now and know that the time is approaching. It just seems so far some of the time..Please forgive my emotions today. Just sometimes this blog is my only release..I probably wouldn't write so much if I realized that alot of people are reading my thoughts. Now that I thought of that..Anyway..we are moving and I ask everyone who reads this to please ask the LORD to give me some extra help in the next days to carry me along and a peace that only he can give..I love you very much MY HUSBAND. I thank you all for your prayers..We will survive and be so much stronger in the LORD when we finish this process and be ready to move on to the next phase of this life on Earth...Learning and growing each day...Learning that GOD is in control and we must hand everything over to him and grow in him and his love...Love that is far different than human love...Which I think could be the struggle I have had today...A missing of my human love[you my husband] and learning to love the way GOD loves..Everyone, no matter what I see...He made the sun to shine on the good and bad...For he loves them all...

Feeling GOD's Favor..

WOW..What an amazing day. We went to our meeting at 10:30 and waited awhile and PRAISE GOD when we went back they had all the papers we have been waiting on...Then we headed out to fax them to Gladney but the fax machine wasnt working well so we came on home and started the process of HOW TO GET THIS DONE..And of course GOD was favorable to us and I meet a friend at the border this evening who will be at the translators at 8:00am and Gladney has already spoke to him and we are praying that all works out..I has traded places with John with IFM who also helps some people with their adoption things..So while he runs around El Paso for me tomorrow I will try and cover him and other adoptions paperwork for other people here in Juarez..I am sure thankful for the day and the things that seem to be coming together...Now we shall see what is next..I know that Gladney sure was happy...Now I think we will start the work on her visa and medical stuff...And who knows maybe home soon...We shall see...Beth Cheek at Gladney is so helpful...She is a very hard worker and she is the one who from Ft Worth found the translator....So we shall see what is next and in the space in between Satuday Sandra and I are going over to Carlos ,the interpreters, house for his mom to teach us REAL Mexican cooking...I think tomalles...OH YEA...Well till tomorrw...I feel so blessed by the LORD today and what a wonderful feeling to know he is moving and showing me so many things....

Walking By Faith

We are walking by Faith...We have a meeting with DIF in the morning..Hopefully to pick up all the originals of papers we have waited almost 3 weeks on...We were told that they were sent on Friday but our agency did not recieve them..It was suppose to have been faxed but I am thinking maybe they mailed them..I just recieved 2 e-mails from the lady at DIF that is on vacation and she still says she sent them. Time will tell but I pray for the originals tomorrow. We had thought that DIF was on vacation for the week but I asked the translator to call this morning and Praise GOD it was just the lady we were working with there. This is all so confusing..But I know it will soon be done. We are trusting and learning as each day passes..I have for sure been learning patience and stillness..Love and forgiveness. Suffering and trials..Hope..and I feel closer to the LORD now than I think I ever have been. I walk each day with his help. Knowing that he is in control. I can do nothing without him. Sandra is doing good with working on her english. She is a perfectionist and she will do it the right way..She is an amazing young lady. I look forward to having her at home in Florida where we can begin to live a life with routines and normal things for me so that I can help her even more. It is very hard to try and live a way that I call normal when I am struggling to just get thru each day. Life here is VERY different for me and I am longing to get to Florida..But I know that is in GOD's time and I will accept with joy what ever he places before me and do my best to bring GLORY to him alone. It is ONLY him who is leading me..and only him who guides each step I take everyday. But I do feel that something even bigger is coming. I know that this is not the end of what I am to do. Like I have said before to much has happened here to me and around me for it not to be used in some other way. I found this little poem in a book I am reading and just thought I would type it out. It has comforted me alot.
In acceptance lieth peace,
O my heart be still;
Let thy restless worries cease
and accept his will.
Though this test be not thy choice
In it his___therefore rejoice.

In his plan there cannot be
Aught to make thee sad:
If this is his choice for thee,
Take it and be glad.
Make from it some lovely thing
To the glory of thy king.

Cease from sighs and murmuring,
sing his loving grace,
This thing means thy furthering
to a wealthy place.
From thy fears he'll give release,
In acceptance lieth peace.

Flashes of Home

Well no news day..Heard that DIF is on vacation this week so we will have to hang for this week and just focus on English and my skills as a teacher..It wasnt as hard to hear today as Friday was..I guess I am learning that I just work with what GOD gives me and find joy in each day..I DO miss my home and my family..Hap is hanging in there pretty well and is doing a terrific job with my mom. We laughed hard tonight when he said he would sweep me off my feet and carry me in when I get home...Was a real romantic thought for a brief second until I caught a picture in my mind of that, then we started with the "Better get the bubble wrap and wrap me up completely and put some around your hips and back to protect you from injury" But it was a sweet thought of old days..I sure miss you my husband...I miss my son alot too..It is always nice to hear his voice when he calls. Even thought of when he was young and all that went on and at one point wished I had been a christian mother back then and thankful he is doing good as an adult despite my way back then...and my grandson..caught myself wondering if he will forget me..He is only 4 but I got rid of that thought quickly..My mom, I miss terribly..She is doing alot better and trying to be strong for me..Even the dog was on my mind today..I am thankful for all that I am learning through this..GOD is growing not only Hap and I but we are starting to hear from people around us that are being lifted thru this too...GOD is good and does have a plan..Just happy that he gives me strength each day to keep going..and learning..and growing in him...

Thank You LORD

You know GOD is good...I just got off the phone with my mom..In the past 3 years or so some of the dealings with my mom had gotten real hard..She seemed bitter and contrary. She was fussy alot..But since I have been gone[6 weeks today] and she has had to endure the results of 2 falls with broken bones all within a week without me there trying to fix everything[some of that control thing I let go of],I am starting to hear a change in her..I know that GOD has been changing and molding me..But I am seeing he is also doing a work in her. We just had the most wonderful chat about our prayer and thought life. She is realizing that she was also drifting away from a relationship with the LORD. That she was not appreciating the things or people in her life.Sometimes just saying things to or about people just to be mean.Just floating by..Strange,I think I remember writing about some of these things a few days ago..about myself..GOD sure does have a way of bringing his people back around. It really feels good to know that he is not only working in mine and Hap's lives but in people around us because of all that is going on.. All things do work together for his glory..Now I know my mom will still be my mom, But I do see changes going on..It is so wonderful....I am so thankful for all that is happening..And hopeful that soon we will begin to see things moving towards bringing all of our family back together..With our new member...She is doing great...I got a real out of the blue hug today..Really made me feel great. She just swooped in behind me and hugged me.. She is doing good. She is soaking up english like a sponge[not speaking so much of it but really understanding alot more] and learning about life outside the institution and about a family. One that GOD is preparing special just for her...

Staying Busy

Got up early this morning and headed out with Sandra to meet with her God parents and have a day at the pool. We had a great time..Played some volley ball and swam and ate...It was nice to be busy...Helped to release some of the disappointment ..It made it easier to manage the flow of emotion from yesterday...Now we are off to meet up with another American couple who are adopting 2 kids . Just hang out and visit. Then later, Faith, a friend from home who has been here a couple of years or so, is going to call and we will pick her up from a wedding shower here in Juarez and she is going to spend the night..She is now living in Fabens which is where we first started this journey with the great people of IFM...International Family Ministrys...So...I think I have dealt with some of the emotions that flooded me yesterday...I tell you the let down was hard...Very very hard...To fight with everything in you to not just scream..To just release it to GOD..The only one who can comfort me.....I do very much appreciate all of the notes and letters and words of encouragement from all of you...It really helps to carry me sometimes through a day..But in the end it is truly GOD who will comfort me and let me know how I am to use this experince..There has been to much going on for me not to take something big out of this and use it when I am able to reach out again..Even now for Sandra...I am being changed for the better and it is painful at times. I know it is for the good. For the Good of all my family and people I am around. I am beginning to be eager to see whats in store...

Ready and Waiting

I am ready for anything to start moving and I am waiting as I have been doing since my arrival. Today has been a hard day. We had hoped for some papers to be sent but as of now, 4:55pm I have heard nothing. I am struggling with emotions that seem to be overwhelming. I know that this will be in his time. And it will be for his glory. I just pray for the strength to endure to the end..I am sure once these emotions have be handed over to the only one who can help me I will begin to feel better. I am so thankful to have a husband who understands..He is growing through this with me...GOD is doing something in both of us. I was actually worried when I spoke to him that he would become impatient with the fact that we heard nothing today...But he wasnt. It was much easier on me for him to show me the strength that GOD has given him for us both to stand through this...When I do cry it will be to the lord..Thanking him that he is with me...and CARRYING me on..and teaching me..I WAITED to post this with hope but it is almost 9pm and nothing...So I am READY to go to bed..Good night...

Fathom???

When I first thought up a title for this blog, I never dreamed that I would get a true understanding of the word FATHOM. To understand in depth.. But I am getting a life lesson in understanding alot of things in depth...We recieved word today that the papers that our adoption agency have been waiting on will be sent in the morning..I am praying that this is the will of GOD..We have been waiting on these papers for over 2 weeks..When I spoke to our caseworker, Beth Cheek at Gladney, she said things should really progress quickly once they have these papers...So that is where we are..Waiting and learning..Learning that no matter what goes on each day I can find some good or beautiful thing going on..And I can join in or just sit on the side lines and let life pass me by...God has really molded me into something different here..I have complained about things in the past, about how something was or how some person might have acted,but you know what,the only thing that really matters in this world is How did I act or react...Was it pleasing to the one who really counts..I am thankful for this time here..I believe that I was really starting to fall into a rut of just letting life go by. Not appreciating what I have or who I have...And I want much more to be said of what I did with my time here when the day comes that I am held accountable..

Furnace

You could be talking about the weather or our lifes. Either way that is a very good description. The weather temp. today was 105. You really could do solar cooking here. I talked with our agency today and they said that DIF is the hold up. They are still waiting on just a list of 9 simple things and then they said it would wrap up quick. So we wait and pray. Our attorney is also on vacation but I found out that I can do what ever needs to be done as SOON as those papers are sent out. We hung out today with a couple of old friends of Sandra's and mine. Mari and Marina. They use to work for the old orphanage that many of you know. They are doing well. Hap is doing good with things around town in Florida. He is doing a great job with my mom. He really knows how to handle her. But after last week I am just thankful to have a mom. She is one of a kind. I talked to her today and this is the first day she is REALLY back to herself. I love her..As for me I am holding up good. Starting to breath a little easier after being sick last week. Still have a bad cough but it is getting better. I am seeing that life is a series of lessons that we learn from. I am in a funace right now and GOD is controlling the temp. I need acceptance with joy to get thru this lesson. To trust him in the paths that he leads me on. There really are things each day to find joy in..Even little things like rocks and weed flowers..There is beauty everywhere you look if you just slow down and look. Sandra and I are getting to know each other better each day. She is worth all this and more. She is my daughter and one day I will in her heart be her mother. Anything I recieve from her is a gift and I am thankful. Even if I recieve nothing back just to be able to love her is my gift. I am seeing that there is much more happening here that just an adoption. It is changing my life and my thoughts...Thank you my LORD...

PSALM 86 A Prayer of Sharon's against the Devil

Incline your ear, O Lord and answer me. For I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am godly; save your servant, who trusts in you. You are my GOD. Be gracious to me, O LORD, for to you do I cry all the day. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you , O LORD, do I lift up my soul. For you, O LORD are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me. There is none like you among the gods, O LORD, nor are there any works like yours. All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O LORD, and shall glorify your name. For you are great and do wondrous things; you ALONE are GOD> Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O LORD my GOD, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. O GOD, insolent men have risen up against me;[the devil] a band of ruthless men seek my life,[the devil] and they do no set you before them. But you, oh lord, are a GOD merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Turn to me and be gracious to me; give your strength to your servant, and save the son[daughter] of your maidservant. Show me a sign of your favor, that those who hate me may see and be put to shame because you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Thru the Name of JESUS do I ask these things,,amen

FLOW

This has been a good day. Because the lord made it and in that I will rejoice. We have been praying today. Praying for papers to get to where they are suppose to be. Praying that we will be able to hear what GOD wants us to do. Praying for my home and family back home in Florida. Praying about everything there is. That is all I know to do at this point. I believe that we have been under an attack from the devil. That he has tried to break us. BUT HE HAS FAILED. I will trust in the LORD for all my needs and he will recieve the glory. My mom is doing MUCH better. She was moved to a rehab center today. My wonderful husband has been from hospital to rehab checking everything out and letting everyone know that Pauline Webb has a family who cares. My brother has had his hands full while Hap was here. Terrell had to deal with the family business, a sick wife and a sick mother. I know he needs some rest and relief and Hap is the man..I am very thankful for the family that I have. I know that I have complained about things in the past but we all have problems and we are all alittle wierd in our own way. I am just thankful that I do have a family. I am learning alot on this journey. Learning that all you can do is trust in GOD. That he will fill every need with what will glorify him..That he will lead you on the path and you might not see results for years but everything plays out for his glory and to help us live for him..If we will just let go...and FLOW in him..

I Will Rely on GOD

Our internet went out 3 days ago. On the way to take Hap back to the airport today I picked up a wireless connection for my cell..Praise GOD we can connect again. I didnt realize what a great thing this computer could be till now. It has been a very hard 3 days. I am recovering from whatever this sickness has been. My mom finally today became responsive. PRAISE GOD.. I use to complain about her fussyness but never again. She fussed this morning and after 4 days of her being nonresponsive it was music to my ears. I think GOD has brought me back to a new appreciation for my mom. Thank You GOD. Hap has seen me at probably one of the worst times in my life. Where for the first time I could not be in control. GOD took all control from me this weekend. I give it freely..All I want is what GOD wants from me. I know he is in control and his plans are long range. Sandra really enjoyed Haps visit and so did I. I miss him so much now. I also miss home. But I know that this is GOD's plan and his time. We hope to hear some GOOD news with some papers for our adoption agency tomorrow. Gladney has been waiting over 2 weeks for some important papers they needed to do some of their paperwork and I was told that they would recieve them today. I will check tomorrow and pray. I am not the best writer tonight. I feel totally out of control but this is where GOD wants me and this is where I am. I do plan on seeking what it is he wants me to do to fill our time left here. Sandra and I are starting on some english things this week. I picked up some books I think will help. Our papers for the mexico side are on their way to Chihuahua. We pray they return quickly..Please keep us in prayer and we will try and gather ourself to some sort of stablity soon.

Must rely on GOD

The day started with a fever for me..I knew a couple of days ago my throat felt strange and it really started to act up last night.But I have improved thru the day. I checked our e-mail this morning and our permit was ready to pick-up from migraion[mex]. We picked it up and returned it to DIF and were told that the judge had reviewed our case and was going to try and rush things along and that the papers our agency has been waiting on will be sent on Monday. We pray this is true. We have been waiting 2 weeks on those. .what great news..Thank you LORD..We went to celebrate with pizza and ice cream..which was really good. After we returned back to the apartment I recieved a call that my mother fell again. She tried to get up without calling the nurses for help, she was also attached to a machine and got tripped up. She factured her femur and she is in surgery as I type this. I feel like I am being attacked. That something wants me to break. But I refuse. I know that we are doing what we are suppose to do. I also know that anytime you are on the right path that the evil spirit will try and do you in.........It is the Now Saturday..I started this blog yesterday and things kept happening till I didnt have time to finish...So today is good...We had plans for last night to meet up with a friend of Sandra's and the Carlos to bowl..Well when we arrived the friend had some car trouble and we ended up going to pick them up and by then it was to later for us old people to bowl here in Juarez..Things REALLY pick up after 9PM so we went to get something to eat and just chat...Recieved a call during this time that my mom had come thru the surgery well and was recovering...We left and took the friend home and on our way back to pick up our van Carlos' van overheated...We waited on a tow truck for a couple of hours and caught a taxi back to ours..All seems well today and we will check on Carlos to make sure he is fine today...No plans today just some much needed rest..I feel better today and Faith, our friend in Fabens and her sister Debs are bringing supper over later...Just another day in the life we live..Trusting GOD with each minute and knowing that he has a great plan that we are a part of.....

God is Faithful

The day ended with Christ in control. I would not feed into anything. Only with the help of the spirit..My mom is stable. Still in hospital but stable. Carlos, the translator is going to check on our permit. Everything I have ever seen him envolved in is a work of GOD..I think he is an angel..DIF said they WILL have the papers that Gladney needs tomorrow..Or Monday...ALL this info in 5 minutes...GOD IS GOOD....ALL THE TIME...Carlos' favorite saying. We had a good day visiting with Sandra. Hap is seeing Sandra the person..She is amazing...We see the therapist in the morning...She wants to meet Hap..We shall see how that goes. The words Hap and Therapist dont really go together..But she helps Sandra. The things we do for our kids. I got a call from our son Michael. It was great to hear his voice. Evil tried to steal my joy all day, starting at 4AM. But I trusted GOD with it all....Thank you that we can rely on you..

Release

This Blog has come early today..very early..I recieved a call from Hap at alittle before 5am to tell me that my 84 year old mom had fallen. She was taken by ambulance to a local hospital with a broken nose, stitches, a swollen knee.Still testing..she is on cumidin, a strong blood thinner for people with certain heart problems. They have done CT scans and are doing other test but she will be staying for awhile. The broken nose is bleeding alot..It must be stopped with drugs that counter act the cumidin and then she will be started back on the cumidin and monitored until it is back at the right levels. I have been my mothers caretaker for a few years now and have be there at every whim she has had..Until now..My brother[thank GOD for him] is with her and will take care of things..Everything in me wants to say until I return..But remember I have been asked by GOD to release my weakness of CONTROL...I turned to GOD first but now I turn to all of you and ask for prayer...Please pray for GOD"S strength and peace today..To know that he does have a big plan for all this and it will all be OK. Also that my mind will not let its thoughts open any doors for evil to mess with it...I appreciate being able to ask for prayer and let me tell you this is hard for me to ask...Remember I am the control freak, who always has it together..Surprise..That wall recieve a large crack when I arrived here and the crack has been growing daily...I think the whole wall might fall today......

Hap Arrives Tomorrow

We are so excited to get to see Hap..We will be busy getting the house ready..He will be picked up at the airport by a friend on his way to work and then he will drop Hap off at one of the border crossings and Hap will walk over and we will be waiting with open arms and a few machine guns on us, but who cares...Its love..Our neighbors have left for Canada today..The other neighbors that are in one of the pics I posted will be gone another 2 weeks so it is just us girls here tonight. It will be good to have Hap around for a few nights so he can be seen. Plus some of the neighbors has seen me get a little frisky when I was dogsitter the chihuahua next door and he decided to run out of our area into the street after a much bigger dog..With me hot on his trail with a "better get your butt back here NOW" voice. I have been told it can be quite aggressive sounding but here that is good.We do expect some other YWAM staff to be moving in soon. Mexican husband, american wife..More good people.. NO news on the permit today but it will happen when it is GOD's time..And I am ok with that..I really pray to release this control issue I have..and I am thankful that GOD is teaching me how..What better teacher...We have a busy weekend planned.Bowling,Movies,dinner with some friends..visiting some of the girls who use to works at the old orphanange..We have been told that at times they have no food..So we want to bless them as much as we can because we have been blessed with much more than they have..Sandra and I are really bonding and it is an honor to know she is trusting me more and more everyday..She is a good young lady...And with Hap here his bonding can start too..His will be quicker that mine was..She has known a father but never a mother. Well to bed..Need to rest so we can party tomorrow...Please continue to pray with us that these papers come in and get sent to Chihuahua , reviewed and stamped and sent back before the 17th when the state Offices go on vacation.Then we will be on the home stretch...But again we ask if it is GOD's will. Please...

Waiting

We are waiting......For GOD's timing...We pray that we get our permit back tomorrow or this week so it can be sent to Chihuahua before the 17th when the state goes on vacation...Please, everyone pray that this is GOD's will...Once those papers return from Chihuahua we are on the home stretch..Passport, birth certificates and etc...We will be very busy...It seems like forever. I know this is GOD's time....Time for me to give everything in my life up and let him have it all. Time to learn never to try and take it back. I thought I had done this last year when I was here for 6 or 7 weeks..But I am thinking I fell right back into the AMERICAN WAY when I returned home..I want to always keep this feeling of no control with me..Only then do I know that GOD is in control. That is and has been my weakness...CONTROL...Maybe from my past..But I didnt know GOD then...I do now..So I will ,through CHRIST, give everything to him...Thanks to all for praying with us during this adoption...I not only have gained a daughter during this...I have drawn closer to our GOD...I have realized just what my relationship with CHRIST is...I am thankful for the time I have been WAITING......Our Canadian neighbors are getting ready to leave tomorrow to return to Canada..They have kept us busy last night and today giving us all kinds of goodys..from food to furniture...We sure will miss them..Our other neighbors are in Mexico City for another 2 and half weeks...There is a couple that works with YWAM that is suppose to move into the canadians place...It has been such a blessing to have these people here..GOD has been so faithful to provide just who we needed in just the right places since our arrival..Now they are moving on and new people are coming..It is like a new adventure to watch and see what purpose they will serve in GOD's big picture....Sandra is doing great..She is an amazing person who I am excited to get to call my daughter...She will adjust..She is a survivor..One I pray will also learn to trust everything to the LORD and know that he is in control.....

Trust

Today we had a moment that no words can express. We crossed a line in bonding that was amazing. I got to just hold her while she cried. I felt that she trusted me..A trust that I never want to lose. She "let me hold her". I think she is starting to realize that a big change is coming. She is scared and sad. Sad, because she is leaving the only life she has ever had..The friends she has, everything. Scared because of the unknown. But after today she knows I am here for her. That was a big step forward. Hap will arrive Thursday and I explained to her that he is coming for her. That we do miss each other and we will enjoy seeing each other but the main reason for this visit is so she knows he is here for her too. I know GOD knew that we would have this moment today and was guiding us back 2 weeks ago to purchase these tickets for just the right days that Hap's presence would have the most impact. His timing is awesome. It is a good feeling in my heart to know that we are following GOD's plan...That we are pleasing to him... There was no news as far as the adoption goes. But I know that GOD is a work even when we dont see it. I had a flash of something awhile back and saw where GOD was preparing us for now..We hope to hear some GREAT news this week on our permit for mexico. Wednesday is the day I pray to hear something. I talked with another lady who is ahead of us with the adoption process[she is under the I600]and she said that I should go ahead and start checking into some of the vaccinations that Sandra will need and I could be working on that..so tomorrow I will check with Gladney,our agency, and see if that is something we can do. I will close on this because my girl just came back downstairs and I want to chat with her...I only ask for PRAYER. For whatever your heart tells you our needs are...Thank You..and GOD's blessings to everyone..

Free In CHRIST

Today I think I had a visual reminder of what CHRIST's death really did for me..I sat through a service of rituals and rules while looking at christ crucified on a cross..Trying to figure out what these people were doing..Were they thinking that these rituals would save them or do they really know a relationship with the lord..They seem to think that unless certain rituals are done that you can not reach our GOD. They dont think that I can have communion with them in remembrance of his death..because I had not done a class that says I can..All I could do was pray for these people. Pray that GOD would open their eyes and hearts to his words and truths..I am so thankful that the BIBLE says believe and you are saved..That I can reach GOD only through his son JESUS..The perfect sacrifice..Just believe in him...I DO believe and am so thankful that I wanted to fall flat and thank GOD with all my heart and soul. Then as I exited the building there in the court yard are people selling goods and holding out cups begging...It took me back to when JESUS got ripped and started flipping over tables and said "Is it not written, My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations? But you have made it a den of robbers" All I could do was pray for these people again..and..Pray for my relationship to strenthen and my dependence grow..Which I must say has happened is the time I have been here..I am nothing..Only with CHRIST. I can do nothing apart from him..In his time and his will. TOTAL release of self...I am learning...Stubborn human I am...Just thankful that my prayer of open ears and heart has been heard...That I am still soft to his voice and must give it all to him...And thankful that he sent his HOLY SPIRIT as my helper to be with me forever..he will teach me all things and bring to my remembrance all that Jesus has said. Father in Heaven I thank you from my soul that I can be with you ...I pray that there is nothing left of me only you..That I will long to follow you and your ways, and when I might start to step out with my own self please gently push me back and bring forth you..I want to please you...In all I do..Through CHRIST name I ask these things...

Counting the Days

We are counting the days until Hap arrives..We are both very excited. For me it is both exciting and bitter sweet..To know that he might go home without us...But to know that GOD is doing his work and I am here to serve..WITH a willing heart..That can be so hard but it was what we were created to do..Serve GOD..Yesterday was a day we slept in,[the girls were up later] then headed to shop alittle. I am teaching Sandra about money and that there is not an endless supply.I have watched as many adoptive families have come in and just started with all the newest and coolest gadgets and we werent that way with our son and I dont plan on being that way now. She is very humble and understanding. I give her a limit and she goes under that. I am telling you she is an amazing girl. I feel very blessed to get to be her mom. Then we went and met the other girls mothers, dropped them off and came home. She was pretty wiped out from the night. But we had time late last night[I dont know if anyone has noticed but i skipped a night] to have a mother/daughter talk that was very good. I thank God for everything he is doing and I want my prayer to be for strength to endure whatever comes my way knowing that the HOLY SPIRIT is right here with me. To comfort me in those times I can feel the weight of this on me...I need to open my eyes wider and see the things GOD is doing here,big or small. I was starting to feel alot of sand in my eyes but after an encouraging word from a colorful friend , I feel a newness today. Thank you dear friend....

Pics of Some Wonderful People of GOD

This is a photo of David and Ali and their children. They are some of the neighbors who have helped me to feel at home here. They are leaving on a 3 week trip to Mexico City {which is where they are from originally] to do some work for YWAM. They are missionarys for this organization..I dont know if I will be here when they return so it was a sad and glad moment we just had..But they will remain forever in my heart.

Just a Day

It has been just a day. One of those that I know GOD was at work but quietly..We slept in then picked up a friend of Sandra's. It was suppose to be a few girls but I think God decided to break me in slowly with the teenage girl slumber party thing. Then went and had pizza and came back to the house..Been here ever since..Lots of laughing and girl chat...I have tried to give them their space . It is fun to watch girls just being young and giggly..As far as adoption stuff,nada for me today. I will pray that things start to move again on Monday..There are other families I know that are adopting and suddenly things are happening with theirs,good and bad.. One families tourist visas run out on Wed of next week so they have to come in from Kansas and renew that and then another family had a teenage boy that was with them a couple of years and he ran away last summer and returned here to live on the streets. Well he has been picked up and DIF is requesting that the american parents come and get him..Their adoption had not been finalized so now they are scrambling to figure out what to do...and praying that he has come to a point of wanting to be with them..THings are quite different with the older boys that are adopted because their mentality is that they are grown at 13 or so..The girls,[thank you Jesus] are different...SO as far as prayer goes I would ask that you continue to pray with us for our adoption but also for Ivan and his family,that change has come in this kids life and he is ready to make the commitment and let his healing begin and for his adoptive family who have endured night after night, worrying about him out in the world and the wounds that they hearts have had to heal from..May the LORD's peace rest on us all......

Cooking American

Today we did regular home stuff..I went to the lavaderia and Sandra cleaned the house. Lavaderia is the laundry Mat. Then headed to the grocery store to get somethings I needed to cook speg. for our translator and his family. They are sure GODly people. He loves speg. so I cooked it here at the house, with salad and garlic bread and we headed over to his place about 5. We were to be there at 5:30 to eat. I have been blessed in that I have only been pulled by the military check once in almost 4 weeks. Well guess what..we got stopped..These guys are out in the heat everyday in full gear. Carrying machine guns and bullet proof stuff..anyway they smelled the food right away and started asking questions..I think the only thing that saved our food was a radio call and they just stopped and ran for their trucks..Thank goodness for Carlos...I take it more things are beginning to go on in Juarez because today the military was out in great force along with police and any other uniformed personal..We made it over to Carlos' and had a great feast with watermelon and mango for desert..Carlos and his mother are always uplifting people with amazing hearts for Christ and his will. I am so thankful to have met him a few years ago before we even started the adoption..See how GOD was laying out plans long before we even knew...Carlos has been a very important helper in this adoption with his knowledge of what to do and how to do it..With the most important power on his side...GOD..He lifts up everything we do before we do it in prayer...and you can just feel the spirit on him...Thank you LORD for letting me serve along side a man of GOD like Carlos..anyway better get some rest ...Tomorrow is girls day and night..I get to experince teenage girls and a sleep over..I have seen them on tv and now I get to be at one...COOL....My prayer is to let myself and needs go and just trust GOD with all that we do and know that his way is the one I want to follow...always.

The Grace and Favor of God

What a great Day..Things are moving again. Important things. We started earlier this morning. We were suppose to pick up some papers that we requested back from the courts last week and of course they were not there. So it was back to the courts with a sweet talking lady from DIF and we got the papers.GOD's favor at work in her. Then it was exchange money to pasos which turned out to be a job too. Then copies and copies and copies of everything you do..It is a must. Our translator had to leave us by 1pm to get to school and we actually threw him out at a bus stop to get back to his car because I had drove. We continued on with our attorney who speaks very very little english. I filled out some forms with 10 mins to spare and then made a 15 min. drive in 9 and walked in the doors at mexico's immigration with 10 seconds to spare..They close at 1pm..Praise GOD.Another favor of GOD..We did our work there and were told it would take a month to be finished...Then before we left GOD blessed us with yet another favor..The lady told us she was pretty sure it would be done in a week to 10 days...WHAT A MIRACLE..We are so blessed each time.. Then we came on home and rested..We will be having a house guest for 3 days..Jaspar, the dog next door. Our neighbors are going to take some guest of theirs from canada to New Mexico for a cave exploration trip..They were so kind to let us run an extension cord to their power for about 2 1/2 weeks and I REALLY enjoy Jaspar..They usually put him in and board him but I dont like to board mine so I thought it is the least I can do for such wonderful people..Our neighbors are remarkable..Both of them..I dont know how we would have made it without them..Our one neighbors are leaving for 3 weeks to south Mexico on Friday and then our canadian neighbors are moving back to Canada in a couple of weeks but they have their place rented to a couple that the husband speaks english and spanish and the wife just spanish..But it is still comforting to know that they are all CHRISTAINS..GOD has been great to us..He always has been but on this adventure he has really let me know he is close...Thanks to all who comment, like our friend cathy from bible study..It always makes me feel closer to home to see that people do care...And Cathy, you are so right about mexican time..There is none...Just when you get to it..Another reason I feel so blessed by our LORD on how things are moving in a country that is on what we floridians call ISLAND TIME...We have a big day tomorrow..I am cooking speg. dinner for Carlos and his family tomorrow night..They were gracious enough to cook really mexican for us last week so it american for them this week. Then Friday Sandra is having girls day and night here...I will have a GOOD taste of a daughter on that day I am sure..It is fun..Never thought I would have a daughter but it is pretty cool to look back to my day when I was that age and remember...We have a great son back home that GOD blessed us with through adoption 26 years ago and now a great daughter. I think back and from the time I was 18 and knew I would not have kids, GOD had a plan then and to see how it has worked out is very humbling. I am thankful to our LORD that I can be a part of his work and plan and I just continue to pray that my will be lined up with his so that I might be a good and faithful servant for him...