They have arrived!!!

I recieved notice today that Sandra's papers were electronically forwarded to the US embasssy in Juarez from US Citizen and immigration...What good news..We have taken a big step forward. Some people are already asking "When will you be home?" "How long till Mexico City". I could step out there and tell you that the paper timeline guides say this or that the adoptions agency says that but I am not going too. It took me awhile after arriving here to stop with the I am going to do this stuff or this is going to happen in this much time..Took alot of let downs before this stubborn person finally said..It will be when God lets it be..Scripture says...James 4:13 "Come now,you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend some time there and do this and sell that. You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? for you are a mist that apppears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, If the lord wills, we will live and do this or that. Also proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. I hope to live by this lesson learned for the rest of my life,,Lord willing..I can tell you that Sandra has a new life in her after the news..I can tell you that once the embassy makes contact with childrens services here they will contact us and give us the art.5 which is their ok to finish the adoption on the Mexico side..It should be almost finished anyway. Then we go to get the adoption decree and take it to the office of registry and get a new birth certificate..Then we are off to Mexico City to meet up with a guide and translator to drive us to do her passport.The Mexican passport is only for a week..THen she will have an american visa..Just the $$$..Then back here for a few more days to finish the medical and visa and pack and come HOME!!!!Hap will have to be here for the birth certificate and with us to get passport..I have a hope to be home by the end of Sept..A hope..Time will tell..I want to be so excited but another part says no..This is great news but there is more..No expectations..Just do each day the best we can..and know we are closer than yesterday. And THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL...

One Day Closer

We have been in a holding pattern for almost 6 weeks now. We have been here almost 3 months. We THOUGHT that we would be in Florida to begin the"Family Life". But it has not happened. Things have started to occur that would not have had we been HOME..So Hap and I talked and asked advice from others and we are going to start living here. Unfortunately with a Dad via internet and phone. So please add that to your prayers. We are going to set up a schedule. Have set times that things happen. Have rules and expectations. We extended some grace in the beginning because we THOUGHT it to be for a short period. But I have begun to see things that need to be handle now and can not wait for Florida. We have a very good daughter. But we need structure and regular times of this and that. I have found a great english school but that is not until the 14th..Which we are praying we will have started the work to be heading to Mexico City by then..I have feelers out for other options of english help and plan on going to the good school tomorrow and talking with the principal again to see if a little money would help to get her in early. She got to chat with a friends daughter who is her age today by phone that speaks spanish and will be in the same school as her when we return home..I could see a change then..Then the girls father talked with her and I think this is going to help alot to go ahead and have her start relationships with the people we know there that speak some spanish..So if you are a part of our group and can speak good spanish please feel free to call on WEEKENDS when my phone is free and introduce yourself..We are having to watch our $$ because the cost of this is going well beyond our thoughts when we began. Now with the cost of english school or tutor here and the cost of Mexico City and all we are cutting back on alot. I know and trust that GOD will provide.. I have thought that when I get home I might look into starting to clean a couple of houses a week for a little extra cash..SO all you working people..I do a good job..We are praying and hoping that Sandra's papers will show up at the Embassy this week..I am praying for first of the week..Then we can get the physical going and start winding down and getting plans for Mexico City..Please pray with us..That GOD will grant us some mercy with this..I am good but I can tell that I am starting to wear down. I have excepted the fact that I have been living here.Kind of hard not to if I stay in reality..I am ok with that and any thoughts that tries to enter my mind I am taking captive, as a friend calls it..I have come along way now and the rest should be easy compared to what we have come thru thus far. With the strength and peace that GOD has been so gracious to give me...Hap is doing good..We have for sure found a new and strong trust and faith in the LORD thru this..I so want to get Sandra started to learn our Lord the way we do..I know she has had some teaching but I also KNOW that some that taught did not walk...It was words and the actions taught that it was worthless..This is a thing that will not happen over night or in a month or so...This is something that over time she will see...and learn..So...Oh yea,,,The soccer game last night was fun..The half time show was the best..Mascots dressed in their weird outfits doing an obstacle course race..How funny..The other interesting things we learned is that when the home team would score[thank you it was only 1 point] beer would start flying..The first point, I see the score point, the crowd roars...I see massive amounts of what looked like rain but I smell the strong odor of beer and splash we are wet...We find out afterwards that this is tradition that whatever drink you have in your hand when the hometown team scores sails into the air...First thing I thought was "Sure hope I dont get stopped on the way home because they would for sure think we had been drinking"...Then figured since it is the police' home town team they would know the tradition...So..All went good. We had a good time and it was fun to see how a different culture plays sports..We also saw riot police totally encircling the field every 15 feet in riot gear..No problems that we saw..But I know on TV I have seen it get ugly. There was also a gorge between the stands and the field that you would have to take a giant leap to clear..It was FUN..and different..Well I will close this down for tonight..Going to bed and starting my new day tomorrow..Praying for GOD to guide me and strengthen me for whatever the day has in store...Love to my husband and family..We are wishing we could be counting the days till you arrive Hap,but we can mentally know that each day is one day closer....
Preserve me, O GOD, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, You are my LORD, I have no good apart from you..

Rejoice

Satan's greatest weapon against us is discouragement. If he can cause us to give up, he wins before the battle even starts. Will I go on my own strength or in the strength of the LORD? We know the answer..On the LORDS...I think back to the days that I was so discouraged and how hard those days were...I am so thankful that on those days I grabbed my bible and read and read and read...It literally was what keep me going..and words from other believes who would quote GOD's words to me...Psalms was the main book I keep going too..David, in the middle of what appeared to human eyes to be bad, would rejoice and praise GOD ...I PRAISE GOD now and in the weeks to come..No matter what comes before me I am thankful and joyful because I know that GOD is in control..Almost all the people I know that are adopting are being hit hard with what seems to be discouragement..BUMP after BUMP..None of our adoption alike..Yet all from the US and Jaurez..There are no rules, no certain way..I ask that you continue to pray for all of us..That GOD will lift us and carry us thru..and when those days of discouragement hit, that GOD will remind us that he has it covered and is working out a grand plan that we dont understand..That he will give us the strength to KEEP GOING forward regardless of what it looks like..Rejoice and be glad for this is a day the LORD has made..........................Today was good. We went and checked on two english schools..One was great and very cheap..The other was weird..They wouldnt even let us see the classroom..It was a restricted area..NO WAY..So if we are still here in 2 weeks she will start class for 4 hours aday..and I am going to talk to them again this week and see if she can come in before then and just sit thru a couple of the classes..Tonight we are going to meet with Faith and her sister Deb and go to a soccer game..The Juarez indios..It should be very energy filled and fun..We are leaving here shortly and I am not sure what time we will be back...I want to thank all of you for thoughts, words and prayers during all this...I know I keep saying it but I could never say it enough...I love you my husband and I know that the day for us to get to see each other is appproaching...Let us not get discouraged..But rejoice and praise the GOD of all..The only true GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankful for This Peace

I am so thankful for a feeling of peace today..We got our van back this morning..Even the mechanic,who is a pastor, blessed us..No charge..So I went and purchase somemore cell minutes for the mex.cell and started trying to get thru to the embassy.Then by the grocery store to get some stuff to fix speg..Our neighbors here have done so much for us I wanted to fix supper for them..Then I stopped by a school that said on the sign" American Institiute of Language"..Classes de ingles..Well the lady behind the counter spoke very little and gave me the number to the teacher..I call him and he didnt understand a word I said..SSOOO..That is not the school for us..After we got back here..I started trying to call the consulate again and to my surprise the lady we have tried to get for 2 days answered and I was so surprised I couldnt talk for a few seconds..I finally got the words out of my mouth and she said she had heard of us, I hope thru the adoption agency. They were suppose to send a fax, but that our papers had not arrived there yet from the National Visa Center..So we will pray that they will arrive there the first of the week and then we will be moving again.She took my cell number and said as soon as it arrives she will call me..A very nice lady..So we wait again..But it's ok..I have had some very encouraging words from friends and family, cuz Judy, that have really lifted my spirit..I know we are doing what we are suppose to do..Just learning and being molded while we wait..Learning that everythings is ok..GOD has his kingdom in control..And I AM a part of that..and PROUD to be..Read something today that said:
We dont't go looking for troubles, but we certainly can make use of them. "Bad Times" are our fuel for transformation..they make us stronger,nobler,wiser, and more worthy of serving GOD in an ever-increasing capacity. Tomorrow Carlos, our translator is going to go with us to check on another english school in the morning. Then tomorrow evening we might go to a soccer game with Faith and her sister Debs..Debs is leaving next week and moving to Denver..So we want to spend a little time with her before she leaves...Again, thank you to all who pray and encourage us..Love to you all and may you feel the peace that surpasses all....IN HIS LOVE,,,
P.S. You know the words my husband,,feel my heart..FOREVER..

Tribulations

We rejoice in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance, character; and character hope.....perseverance=rugged strength. Do you become more positive or more discouraged? Wiser or bitter? I must realize that the pressures of this world only help God's process along..If I let them. Molding me into what is more pleasing..
Today started with washing clothes and trying to reach the US embassy..The laundry went well. The contact with the embassy..inched..forward..I talked to two humans..One gave me two phone numbers..The other tried to connect me with the lady I need to talk too..no answer..Then other man gave me the direct number but had no luck all day with getting her on the phone..But in the mean time I spoke to someone who had the lady's fax number so I gave that to our adoption agency and hopefully they managed to get a fax with our questions thru today..I didnt heard anything as of 5:30 the agency's time so maybe in the morning.I will also continue trying to get thru starting very early in the morning by phone...My plan was to go to the embassy tomorrow if we hadnt made contact today BUT......On the way to check on an english school our vehicle died again..Thank GOD I asked for a phone number for the man who owns the shop and we were able to call him and they came and towed us back to the shop..I havent heard word on that either and it is almost 6pm here..We will try and call in the morning..I am SSOOO thankful I had Sandra with me..They dont speak english at the auto repair shop. But I have other tricks up my sleeve if I had to make it work..I told Sandra I am so thankful that I went yesterday as soon as I picked up the van and got grocerys and went to the laundry mat this morning..We were out of food,[remember we only have a very small frig so we shop for frig food about every 3-4 days] and all of our clothes were dirty because I do laundry on Monday and something else happened and it didnt get done..There are other options for laundry. I can remember when I was a young person doing laundry in the bottom of the tub by foot...(That is another story. But one that if I told you might understand how I have been able to get by down here 36 years later.Those of you who know about my teenage years already know what I am talking about.)...But no worries we are good for a few days if it takes awhile to fix the van..Thats our day..We will be praying that the van gets fixed and we can start fresh on school for next week..My mom is back to the rehab center and sounded good. I do miss her and I KNOW that she misses me..I will be so thankful when I can go see her..She has been thru alot..Without me for the first time in alot of years...I am so proud of Hap and how he has stepped up and done all that he has done for her and for us..Public Thank you to my wonderful husband..I LOVE YOU!!!! More each day..and THANK YOU GOD that you gave me, for my only husband, the man that you did...

Crab Grass

Well I found my comparison for what has been going on here..A friend wrote on Facebook today....I hope I am not the crab grass in your lawn of life...I responded with..I like crab grass..It keeps all the dirt from showing in my yard..When suddenly it hit me...That is exactly what has happened here..My spiritual life was like crab grass,covering all the dirt in my spirit life. when I arrived here GOD pulled up ALL the crab grass,leaving my spirit life bare like dirt..He has cultivated the ground ,me, so that the deep rooted grass of him can resprout and is watering daily with tears. Tears full of minerals[the word] that he has and is supplying...Life and hurry had helped that crab grass to choke out the true pure living green grass that GOD wants to grow in all of us.The grass that should spread out, multiple and thrive.....
Today has been interesting..Waited for the van until about 3:30 this afternoon..When I got there to pick it up..What a surprise..It had been washed inside and out..even the tires armoralled..It runs so smooth it is hard to tell it is running..And what a blessing when I was told the cost..Thank you to people who want to bless others LORD..During my waiting day,I call the embassy and spoke to a great man who gave me some info and a name and number for a lady I think call help us get thru this part of the process. I need Gladney to send me a form they have. I want to hand deliver it and meet this lady and see if I can get details and leave phone numbers for myself so we wont be wasting anymore time..Tomorrow I will get the laundry done first thing and then check on two english schools and contact Gladney about FedXing this form to me..Then Friday I hope to see if going to the embassy will work..So if you think about it pray that I will have the right words and that GOD will touch these people that they might be understanding with us and our process. My mom is doing well. The test this morning showed some diverticulitus and they have taken her off cumidin for good.It was causing her to bleed excessive.She has recieved I think Hap told me 3 units in 24 hours..Another great things..She sounded like she was feeling better and we hope she will be able to return to get more of her therapy tomorrow..After Hap has had a word with them about us not knowing she had been taken to the hospital..I truly think we are on the home stretch..Praying that if we do have any trouble it will be simple to get thru..If not we will do what we must..Have also been getting things lined up for Mexico City..I pray for Sandra that the english school will be productive tomorrow and that by Monday we will be able to start her somewhere or that someone will step forward to tutor her at least 3 or 4 days a week till we leave..She needs some struture like I need to get busy with finishing this adoption..We are stir crazy..Tho I must say that this down time has given me alot of time to read and study..and draw closer to GOD..
It wont be long my love before we will see each other..Sandra and I so need to be with you.

Quick Note

My mom just came out of test at Winter Haven Hospital. It is diverticulitus?. Spelling not sure...But they found 2 pockets that were not real bad. They believe that it is the blood thinner cumidin that is the problem. They are taking her off it. Giving her 2 more units of blood and I think she will be find..We are VERY happy about the cumidin. This is a very dangerous blood thinner and she has been on it a couple of years..One reason her first fall almost killed her. She bleed out bad from this medication...THANK YOU LORD..for this good report, and a big thank you to those of you who care....

I will Stand FIrm in The LORD....

Well the paper was for real. It was Sandra's first approval to become a citizen. Now I find out that I am on my own. It is now up to me to see what is next. I was told to call the Embassy every other day and see what the procedure is..Well I called a lady I meet here and was given the personal phone number for a man at the uscis here that should be able to point me in the right direction. I know her papers can take up to two weeks to have a electronic file ready. By the date on the paper that came to the house it will be one week tomorrow..So I hope to call tomorrow.We still have to do the medical,get the interview to ok her visa, finish the adoption with Mexico and get birth certificate changed and then Off to Mexico City..Have some plans in the works for that too..The van was picked up here this morning and this afternoon they called and said they hope to have it ready tomorrow around noon. Between $200 and $300 us dollars..We will trust the lord..I can see light..Alittle more than last week..My mom is back in the hospital. She has had a bleeding problem for 6 days now and got to the point she needed a transfusion today. So while they have her there they are going to do a colon Test tomorrow..If I didnt want to sound stupid I would try and spell colonoscopy..I dont think that is right anyway at test.I can be wrong with spelling.We hope it is just the cumidin level got to high..What is upsetting is that I tried to call her 3 or 4 hours this afternoon..Hap had been there late this morning and finally at 7pm your time I called the nurses station and was told "Didnt you get the message" she is at Winter Haven hospital getting a transfusion and probably will be staying..Terrell, my brother recieved no call.Hap recieved no call..They had all 3 of our cell numbers..Hap plans on meeting with them tomorrow to see what happen..I want to extend grace to these people..But they need to follow the plan that they were told..I pray that Hap will be gentle in spirit when he talks to them..I must say that I must be growing in the fruits of the spirit..love, joy,peace,patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,self-control..alot of what I didnt pratice much before I arrived here..I would try but something always found a way to break me..I have had nothing but time and trials to teach me these things here..I do not want to sound like I am boasting..I am thankful that I have had this time..Hard and painful,but very thankful if it were the only way the LORD could slow me down long enough to learn..I do miss everyone very much..I pray to be home in Sept..That is my hope..I want to do a big family gathering since we missed ours at Easter anyway..So Webb and Castleberry group get ready..How about a cook-out...I will see what I can come up with somewhere easy for all of us..Maybe with the boat or canoes and kayak. Then it will be the Fosters turn and the rest of the Castleberrys and Wards in North Florida...Then dont worry I didnt forget the friends...I so thank all of you from my heart for your continued support of me and my family..I dont know what I would have done without some of you..And I found out that Debbie is on my side of the family .You who were wondering know what I am talking about..Thank you ...Please pray for us..It is something that Jesus asked us to do for each other..and I and my family SO need all of GOD's grace..
Dear Father, I lift up my soul. O my GOD, in you I trust. Let me not be put to shame. Nor let my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; Make me to know your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me.For you are the GOD of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. I will be strong, and my heart take courage,for I will wait for you..I am yours to do as you see fit..My heart trust what ever you ask from me...I am yours...

A Day Of Things

Got up early this morning to take Noe to school at 6:45. Made it back to the house and last night I had recieved a phone call from another american couple who are adopting that their soon to be son need money before 1pm. They live in Austin and he is still here so we headed over to help.. Made it back here about 12 and got the laundry together to go to the lavadoria and made it to the end of the road and the van quit..I was blocking 2 lanes, but here its cool. People are use to it so they just starting finding ways around. I managed to crank it and made it about 50 yards and again it quit running..I sat there a while and cranked it up again and managed a U turn and was headed back towards our road..Made it the next crank to the corner of our road where I decided I had better call for help..Thank GOD Faith was crossing the border not far away and came and followed me the 3/4 of a mile down the dirt road to the house...With numerous stops to do it.. She then took me to pick up the boy I was responsible for today as his ride..When I got back I spoke to a neighbor who knows a preacher who does side mechanic work and he is coming over at 8 in the morning..We will pray that it isnt very costly..We still have to finish this adoption, fly to mexico city, pay a guide while there $450. $80 anight to stay there for 5 to 7 nights then fly back here to finish the adoption and then fly home...GOD will provide we are trusting...BUT THE NEWS...I am not positive but Hap recieved a notice at the house today saying that Sandra has been provisionally approved and papers are going to NVC for processing...If this is true..We are getting very close..I am going to try and verify tomorrow with Gladney..I havent heard anything from them since Wed or Thur. of last week..I sent 2 or 3 email today and a phone call so I do expect to hear something tomorrow..I will hold my excitement until I know for sure but I will be honest..I cried tears of joy when Hap read the paper to me. So I pray that tomorrow night I will be using lots of !!!!! points and CAPITAL letters in my blog...Found a couple of english schools, but with the van quitting today it will be after it is fixed before I can check it out..Also have people who are talking to some women they know who are teachers who might be interested in night work and weekends..Please keep that in prayer...I so pray that these papers are real. I so pray that I can start to look ahead with some idea, real idea, of a month I might come home..My mom is doing alittle better..They think that her cumidin level got to high and it was cause her to bleed..We shall keep an eye of that the next couple of days..Since I told Sandra today that we THINK her papers are moving I can see a difference in her..I think she was beginning to wonder if it were ever really going to happen...THANK YOU LORD..ALL GLORY TO YOU...I am really thankful that I have had this time to look deeply at myself and see where GOD wanted me to give things up.. I have experienced things here in this time I would NEVER had been able to do in any other place...I actually got to thinking tonight about the bonds I have made with some wonderful people here that I am really gonna miss...But like I said before..There is alot of work to be done here..So much..and when we get settled and the doors are open I look forward to coming back to do outreach work again...This is a huge city and there are orphanages in every area..numerous..and very very poor people with real need..I know that we have them in the states..But this place captured my heart years ago..and Then there is Sandra..She wants to help her people, the orphans..and I will stand with her and help her to do that....GOD's blessings to all..I love you Hap..soon...Dear LORD, thank you for all your have done with us..May our words and medi

I'm Back--(on-line)

I wish I could write I' back in Florida..Soon..I told someone when I know we are about to finish up, everyone will know..So if you hear something like the sonic boom of when the space shuttle comes back and breaks the sound barrier but you know the shuttle isn't due back, It will be me giving a SHOUT of joy that we are on our way..The computer went down Fri. Somehow during the merge of Alltel and Verizon our account with the aircard got stuck between..Hap thought he paid the bill from calling the phone number on the bill from Alltel that came to the house,even got a confirmation #. But when I FINALLY got thru to ALLTEL,because none of the #'s to reach them will reach them. They all switch you to Verizon..They have no trace of the confirmation # or the payment and had turned me off. They cant explain it. Verizon cant explain it..So they are doing an investigation..WHO KNOWS..So watch out if you were an Alltel customer who is getting switched to Verizon. Nothing new here. No news on Friday. I think I wrote that before the computer went down. I have had a very rough couple of days..Today is better. Maybe because I feel a hope of something happening since it will be a work day for all The people who are holding our lives in the papers tomorrow..I am praying hard. I am looking for an english school for Sandra. Hoping to have some lined up tonight. I only have one so far,and we not sure they are still open. I havent heard back from the two main people who would know the most about it. But I will be checking with them tonight. My mom is having some trouble again with somethings. But I am also hopeful that it is nothing and a few test will straighten it all out. We are hanging in.. Like Hap's comment said, We know that GOD is doing something here. We do not know what and would not understand if he told us..He is to above our thoughts or minds for us to see the big picture. We can all choose to be part of his big plan. We feel we are following what he wants to do with us. We have to be strong regardless of how painful it is. We have to trust him. We have to let this bring glory to him and him alone. We will rely on him for our strength, patience, peace, wisdom, courage, grace, lives.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you,and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

what else

Hi this is Hap Sharon's computer is down,she will be back up and running as soon as she can

Battlefield of the Mind

I did not feel like writing anything tonight but I have commited to this and I should do it...... We have decided to find a school that will start to teach Sandra english. DIF thought a couple of weeks ago, when they came for a visit, that she should start regular school. We think it is a waste of time. She needs to start learning english so that WHEN we go home she will be better prepared for school in Florida. I am praying that we will find a few to go and check on Monday. Plus it will cost as much to enroll her in regular school as it would for a month of english classes. More money. GOD will provide. Also on the regular school thing, when our papers start moving she would be missing school anyway or only go a couple of weeks..We would rather have a couple of weeks of english than Mexico school. She will have plenty of time to catch up when we get home..Carlos is checking on a few and talking to a friend of his,Lilly who also was a mexican witness for us, to see if she knows any or would be available to go with us monday or Tuesday to check out the schools. She speaks good english. Sandra and I both are getting stir crazy..It will be good for her to have some time away from me and be around more kids her age. No more therapy here..We had the last day today..I am glad..She needs something more than what she was getting here..When we get home..Thats it..No other thoughts that I care to share..I have had a couple of days I wish not to re-live..Emotions and truth fighting in my head...I pray that tomorrow will be different..NEW DAY..
Hap, you know my thoughts and feelings for you..I know you understand..Tomorrow will be a new day......................In you, O LORD, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me, and save me! Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come. Thru JESUS,,,,amen

Holding On

I am holding on, to a very thin thread today. Another one of those days that I know I am suppose to be hearing something but this buzz in my head seems to deafen me. I have waited all week to hear if the paper for her visa has been sent. I have heard nothing. I think that the despair is trying to take over. I NEED to be home. WE need to be home. Starting the life that we have worked so hard to get too. But I am still here. Dealing with issues that would not have happened had I been home. Finding out that I am dealing with more people that cannot understand the word "trust". Something I have found frequently in this culture. Maybe I just get around the wrong people. Maybe GOD puts me with them for a reason and my emotions are blocking what I should hear. But I KNOW that GOD is faithful. I know in his time I will be home. I am trying to see if what I am dealing with is just me being on the brink of BURNT OUT, or if it is selfish emotions, or if it is human logic . PRAYER will be my only answer..and I wait for that also. PLEASE keep US in your prayers. I am going to make it thru this I know. By the grace of GOD and with his strength..I SO need him to carry me right now. I did recieve word about going to Mexico City when the time comes for her passport. Not the best news..$80 anight lodging. Food. Airline flights $1000. and $500 for our guide to help to do the work..We are stretched now..But at this point my thoughts tell me anything is worth getting to Florida as quick as possible. Our daughter needs to start this new life we have talked about and that was suppose to have happened already. Please excuse my emotions today. I need GOD to come and give me the comfort that only he can give. I have abandon my home, family[son,grandson,mom], and life. Sandra is well worth it but where is this going to end. On facebook today I wrote some of my journal from being here in Mexico and it went !!!!!!?$$??!!??!?$?????????????$!!????????!??????????$$??!?????????$$?????!!!$$?????????????????????????$$!!!!..__-??!$$$?????!????!???????!????????!$??????!!?????????????$$???? That just about covers each day. Each mark represents a day. ........................I just got a message from GOD..I feel so humbled suddenly and ashamed of what I have written....Sandra just came up to me out of nowhere and hugged me tight. That is only the 2nd or 3td time this has happened since I have been here..I must shut my mind and fingers right now..And thank GOD for the sign...I SO needed that...THANK YOU LORD for the reminder of what we are doing..and that my pain will end in your glory...

Learning and observing

Each day that passes I feel the urge to be home growing..I am sure that this is normal. There are issues that are arising that we need to deal with in "THE FAMILY" setting. Issues I know she will handle better with Hap than I. She know about a dad,not a mom. She relates to men better. Even tho past relationships have not been good ones. She has never had a mom, just a grandmother that I plan on digging deeper into because all I know now is that it was not good. She and I do well. We have a bond that grows each day. But when it comes to certain things she needs Hap to be the one to push. I can tell that with each day she trusts me more and more which is an accomplishment..I am very happy for that. I am "really" seeing her personality and who she is..I like it..I really look to the time where we can communicate on a deep level..I so want to understand her mind. I look for the time that I can open up my whole heart to her with my words. We are connecting on a deeper level I believe than if we could just talk..Pretty cool to observe.. School is to start here in a week or two. I really dont see why I should enroll her for 2 weeks. It is costly to start a kid in school here. No wonder there are so many kids that dont get that education. Uniforms, shoes, books, supplies..Was talking to someone that it could cost $300-$400. Plus when the papers past the NVC we will be doing medical exams and interviews..Missed school. Plus what she gets here will not benifit her in Florida..I was thinking of an English teacher instead..But I still have to answer to DIF..We shall see. Today Faith and her sister Debs came and we all went to visit Grandma Mary at Rivers of Mercy orphanage. Nice place..I could tell being in the building was freaking Sandra out some so when she asked to go outside I thought best. When I looked out she was chatting with the little girls. The oldest there is 9. After we left she said how one day she hopes to help the orphanages here in Juarez,which is a very normal thought pattern for the kids I have stayed in contact with that have been adopted. Once we settle in with family life, we hope to become connected again with outreach here in Juarez. We believe it will be good for Sandra too.. After we left we went for pizza. It had been 2 or so weeks since my girl has had pizza and she was starting to have that "Gotta have pizza look". It is one of her favorites. Nothing planned for tomorrow. I hope to push her with some english. That is one thing I know that she will relate to better with Hap than me. I have seen how John can get her to do it better than I. Also Carlos. That man thing I was talking about. Anyway, all is good.No word today on if the paper has gone to NVC. I will be sending an e-mail first thing in the morning again to see if Beth at Gladney has heard anything. GOD has been very faithful to give me the peace to do this. The knowledge to know he is with us and in control. To be more gentle, and having more loving understanding of people...Makes all this much easier. ..I read somewhere that
Gentleness, sympathy and loving understanding is developed by the daily practice of bending submissively to life's hard and difficult experiences without bitterness, or resentful resistance or self-pity.
P.S. I look you my husband and it is getting closer to that time.[look,typing error. but Hap responded so I have to leave it. I was thinking about looking forward to seeing him and loving him ]

Here I am, Once Again

Well, here I am. Tuesday is almost over..We havent done much of anything today. I had to work on the air cooler..It is a fan with a pump that pumps water over a hay type filter,then pulls air thru it and makes it feel cooler..For some reason it has not been wanting to pump the water..So last night I started working on it..Gave up about 10 and went on to bed and got up this morning and started again..I finally went and bought some WD40 and sprayed it around and it has been working ok since..Thank you LORD that the weather is alittle cooler at night so we slept pretty good. I know that we have a few more weeks. It has been alot easier to except this than when I first arrived..I will never forget that feeling of realizing that it was going to be alot longer. That was a hard one to except. I would not change anything even tho this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. GOD has been changing me. I will be the first to admit I needed refining..Still will till the day I die..Guess that is what it is all about..continued refining..Because we will never be perfect..I still believe that this time here was meant to be. Time for my daughter and I to bond..time for me to realize that life in Florida will continue without me, and that everything will be OK..I was a control freak..Looking back I can see it..Anyway, I am glad for the change in me, thankful. Tomorrow we are going to meet up with Faith and go see Mary, a lady who worked at the old orphanage for a short time. I have been meaning to go see her but it just didnt happen. So when Faith mentioned that she was going tomorrow I decided it is time. Plus time is running out for Ivan, the adopted runaway, to contact his adoptive parents if he wants to go back to the States. Word has it that he might be in the area that Mary works in. She is at another orphanage being the Grandma. So, sorry there is no exciting things to tell today. No heavy emotions flowing..Just a day, to think and meditate on life and GOD..One of the best day...I was about to write that I look forward to the day I can write and tell all of you that it is over...But it will never be over..I have things in me I pray will last a life time..

It was the Day

Today was the day. Sonia,at DIF, sent the paper to Gladney who in turned faxed it over to uscis. Now, with in a couple of days Sandra's papers should be on the way to the National Visa center where a file will be set up. 1-2 weeks..Then that will be forwarded to the embassy here in Juarez where they will review it and issue her Preliminary Visa..1-2 weeks..So we are looking at 2 to 4 weeks..I can do it..Then we start winding up with the medical exam,hopefully during this waiting time..Finish the adoption with Mexico, get the new birth certificate, and hopefully head to Mexico City to get the passport 5 days or alittle more, back here to finish at the embassy and pack up and WE ARE FLORIDA bound. Hap will have to be here when things wind down and to Mexico City..So time frame 3 to 5 weeks more..I honestly couldnt say exact times.That is in GOD's hands..We are going to do what GOD puts before us..Acceptance with Joy..These emotions sometimes are hard to deal with..Just have to zone into time with the spirit. So we are all getting excited..Now we continue to pray and know that the light down the tunnel is getting brighter everyday..My Mom is doing good..God has truly amazed me on the journey..I have been stretched, melted, molded, etc..Someone said something about hang onto your faith..There is no effort involved with that statement. I have found my relationship with him stronger than ever in my life..He has shown me things here that I would have never seen in the States or in the comfort of my home. I am thankful and look forward to what the future holds for us all. I know that we still have some hoops to go thru..But I know that it will be as GOD plans it..and I pray to please him in the way that I handle whatever he sends my way..The work is not over. I will probably have more HUMAN days, but I believe this is when GOD can really do a work in us..It is how GOD made us. We started today to prepare Sandra for the new life in Florida. She is nervous but excited to begin. We told her that it would be different than what we have been doing here..Just consider this her summer vacation..Because life is going to begin. A new life filled with adventures and dreams..Thank you LORD for all that you have been doing with me here. Forgive my human weakness as they have surfaced. Thank you for your strength and peace during those times..Your righteousnes, O GOD reaches to the heavens. You are my rock and my refuge..You know my heart, continue you work in me...Thru the name of JESUS,,amen

Could It Be the Day

Could tomorrow be the day that everything starts to move again? We sure are praying. It has actually been a strange weekend.[In a good way] First the e-mail on a Saturday morning from the caseworker at Dif, Then an e-mail from our caseworker,Beth, at Gladney today..YEAH..We will know tomorrow..If all comes together tomorrow then Sandras papers for her visa will start moving this direction again..John, IFM, came by today and he and another lady, Gwen, who is also adopting have put together a process sheet that I plan on sending to Gladney. It give little details of what all to have ready at the birth certificate office and passport office..Like 3 copies of everything, order to have it in, etc..Very detailed which will help to save people alot of work and running around..Including us. So there is the adoption news..We have just hung today. I did all my Florida bills and learned that it is alot easier for me to do snail mail that e-pay..Maybe not now that I have registered with everything. Sandra is actually doing really good today. She spoke more english today then before. Now I am not saying she just puts out a whole sentence but 3 or 4 words. She will do good speaking it once we are in Florida. Like I have said before she is like a sponge. Soaks it up and just a little squeeze and out it all comes..Hap is going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully get some antibiotics. We have a friend at church who is a doctor and he said he thought it would be ok just a good dose of 10 day antibiotics..He hasnt felt good and there is still redness and swelling he said. Please keep him in your prayers also. Well I will be done for tonight. GOD's blessings to all and a very heartfelt THANK YOU from the FOSTER Family for all your thoughts and prayers..

Is It True?

I slept good last night. Always do. Thats one thing about me. I have no trouble sleeping. Even tho I was discouraged when I went to bed. It has been "alittle" cooler here in the day time..100ish..so the nights are alittle better..I got up at 7 and fixed coffee and turn on the computer and to my total surprise there was an e-mail from last night at 9pm from Sonia at DIF,mexico, saying the paper was ready and that she would send it Monday. Oh how I pray this is true. Then Sandras papers can start moving again and we will be moving toward home again. I will be e-mail Sonia tomorrow night to see if I can pick up the paper or if she is faxing it or e-mailing it. Just a reminder to please get the paper out Monday. Its been a good day. Just doing stuff. Grocerys, defrost the little freezer, cook...The freezer needs to be defrosted at least every 2 weeks cause it gets covered in ice. It is one of those thigh high friges..with the LITTLE freezer..But it works..I am not complaining. I am very thankful for what we have to use here.
Hap has had me a little worried the last 2 days. He lower leg started swelling and is very red and warm. He said he thinks he ran a fever for two nights while sleeping. He had a few antibiotics at the house he started and I have asked him to go to the doctor Monday. Special pray for healing on his leg. I know you read this Hap, so GO TO THE DOCTOR because now everyone knows. I do not need to be worrrying about him while I am here. So I will let you all know if he is taking care of himself on Monday. Anyway, we are doing ok. Seeing somewhat of a light at the far part of this tunnel. I know we are getting closer and that is a very good thing.
I want to THANK all of you again who send the encouraging words to me. Like I have said before there are no words to tell you what they mean to me in my heart. They help me to keep going. Knowing that there are people who really care and do really pray for us..GOD's blessing and peace to all...
Cease from sighs and murmuring, sing his loving grace. This thing means thy furthering,To a wealthy place. From thy fears he'll give release, In acceptance lieth peace. {Little poem from a book I have been reading}

The Need to Be Together

I so look forward to the day we go home to Florida. We heard nothing today. Maybe it is good or maybe it is bad. WHO KNOWS..It could mean that they are working on the 2 sentence letter for uscis. It could mean they are not going to do it. WHO KNOWS. In the space between Sandra and I sit. There Hap sits. From some I have to hear "You arent ever coming back, they have you down there and they arent going to let you come home" "What do you look like now? Its been a long time since I've seen you." I must carry on. I miss my family, I very much miss my husband and home. He is trying his best[and doing a great job] of holding things together there and taking good care of my mom.[she is 83 and quite a character] I am here being a mother to a girl who only knows what a dad is. I am trying to show her what a mother is. I just had to answer the question I have answered 20 times in the last 5 weeks,"When is Dad coming" with the response,"I dont know, we are waiting on papers.He will have to sign papers soon. If he comes and the papers arent ready and then returns home and gets the call to come right back it cost alot of money." There is also a chance ,to save time, that we will fly to Mexico City. More money..I just have to stop thinking sometimes. Alot of the time. I just sink into the zone of the spirit, the only thing that gives me peace. We so need to be together as a family. She needs her Dad, the love she can really relate too. She relates to me and has bonded with me but she needs to see us[Hap and I] work as a unit of one. Our team. The family. I am praying soon that things will start to wind up. I so need my home. I pray that GOD will let us come home soon. That he will continue to give me the strength I need to do this. He is faithful and has been faithful all this time. I can honestly give GOD ALL the glory for what is going on. I would not have made it this far had if not be for the strength and faith he gives me. All I do when things are tough is turn to GOD and turn and look at Sandra...Can you tell today has been alittle hard..I just read back over this and I feel like I have probably written most of this before. Sorry for the repeat but it is the emotions that flow.. Give ear to my prayer, O GOD, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan...But I call to GOD, and the LORD will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. I will trust in you...

Brain Blog

What a day. Started with news that DIF responded right away that they did not recieve faxes. So Gladney sent both request letters e-mail. We are thankful that Sonia got right back with them. Now we pray that she will e-mail the letter back tomorrow or that I can pick it up..We shall see. We went out to the old orphanage with lasagna to eat with Mari and Marina and the family that they stay with. It was bitter sweet my first visit there. Old memories coming back of all the good. Memories of my involvement before the orphanage was even moved out there. Long before the last director..Seeing all the work that all the groups including our church just sitting there wasting away because of politics and underhanded schemes..The reason Mari and Marina are there is the OWNER of the property has asked the family that Mari and Marina stay with to be there sometimes to cut down on theif. 70 whole pesos for 3 days work...Anyway, we went back again this time expecting to visit in the same way as the first..But to my surprise I had 5 very unexpected guest. The old cook,her 17 year old daughter, her 20 year old daughter and boyfriend and their baby of 5 months. I could tell right away that Anna, the Lady who was so kind as to take Mari and Marina in when there was no where for them to go,was uncomfortable. Didnt ask why..We made it thru this..Hearing all the new news of Lupe's daughters both being pregnant. Not married..But so is life here in Mexico with the culture. In the past Hap and I had always tried to help them when they worked for the orphanage but now with the cost of this adoption we do not have the funds to help....They were also other americans that helped with this family..But we can only do so much..Which brings me back to something that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now..I have known personally 3 kids who turned 18 and were put out of the orphanage system. That is the rule. At 18 you can no longer stay. Out of all the organizations that come down here and fund orphanages and do outreaches,For many years, why hasnt someone thought about this throwing them out, unprepared to survive as adults in a very harsh world. I am going to do some research and see. I have already talked to a couple of people who do not know of any such organization here in Juarez. What a waste. They are all just thinking of the immmediate need of a place to be safe, food in your mouth,and teaching them of the lord..But what about turning 18 and being prepared to make it in this big world. Mari and Marina are two of them...PRAISE GOD for Anna and her husband who are christians and merciful and have kept them with them..Even tho 2 of their kids are living with Anna's mom some distance from here because her husband has been struggling to find work..The job problem is world wide..This couple pays rent at a place because all they own is a small piece of property with 2 rooms,and water. No electricity,no septic tank..They have found it in their hearts to keep these two sisters who have no one and no preparation in the orphanages that they were in growing up to learn a trade to survive..Thank GOD he has servents..But I have already been talking to one organization that says if this family is truly in need they would consider helping..I just have to dig and see. I feel a connection to Anna. I just have to pray and wait. I am thankful that GOD has opened my eyes again to the needs in Juarez that brought us here in the first place..THere is alot of work here in Juarez..Just have to find ways and people who will find it in their hearts to help..GOD wants us to take care of the poor and fatherless..Well welcome to Jaurez,,Take some time to pray..As little as 25 dollars a month goes along way to help support someone here..I can also put to gether work teams to come and help people in the colonias with really needs.I also know of a nonprofit who money can be sent to for specific causes here in Juarez. So much work , My own and what GOD lays on my heart...Now we wait for tomorrow,,and maybe word that the papers are ready or already sent..WE PRAY..
I love you Hap and look forward to you coming down and renewing you heart for the causes here. Maybe even our first vacation as a family with Sandra to Mexico City..What ever GOD gives us it is with joy and acceptance..Thank you for being the GODLY man that you are..Man,, Have we come along way of what in 30 years...PRAISE GOD...

Trying to Comply

If you read yesterdays then you know where we are..Carlos called at 8am this morning and was told that we needed to write a request letter for what we want. Should have known this from the last time we asked for something. Anyway, if you want something from DIF put it in writing before you ask. Gladney and I had to write a request letter in spanish and send to them. SO, my day started with contacting Gladney as soon as Carlos gave me the news. I knew Carlos couldnt help me because he was in school all day. I called another lady, Gwen, who is doing an adoption and speaks very good spanish. She was in town and said she would call when she got in the area. Well 11am came, 12, no word from anyone. This let me know that our caseworker, Beth, was probably in meetings or out of the office. I had paced most of the morning waiting on someone,so by 12:30 I decided to try and write mine on my own. I got on the computer and did some translating,copied the header off another request letter we had used weeks ago, and then wrote it out. I then took it over to a neighbor who is Mexican and he only took out one word and added two..It worked!! Then I didnt have a number to fax it too and no fax machine. In this time I heard from Beth at Gladney and she got right on their letter. She faxed it over..I decided to e-mail mine to Sonia at DIF, and after doing this and thinking I would have to find a way to fax it to DIF suddenly I thought,"I will e-mail it to Gladney who can print it out and fax it for me". So by 3:30 we believe that it was all faxed to DIF..If DIF's fax machine accepted it.Oh yea and then Gwen called and was able to help but we had done it..PRAISE GOD!! Now we pray that they will get us what we need. Wait and see. Prayfully by the end of week so we can get it back to uscis and papers can get down here...YEAH,,we are getting closer. DAY BY DAY. Tomorrow I am suppose to fix lasagna for Mari and Marina,the girls that worked at the old orphanage, and the couple that they live with. Since we already have plans I am hoping DIF will call and say that the paper is ready. You know how it is when you have something planned,something else always comes up. Hopefully good things tomorrow..I am learning so much about myself and my walk with the LORD here. I never dreamed at 50 that I would be doing and learning to the extent that I am. I have a new appreciation of alot of things. I know that when times are hard that my strength comes from GOD and GOD only. No human can give you the peace that he can. No artifical things can do what he does. NOTHING. Only GOD..

News

Well we recieved some news today. And as my e-mail started " We have good news and bad news, we will start with the bad news". The bad news is that uscis needs a letter stating that the adoption is not complete and we do not have permanent custody.That is the holdup on the papers we thought would be sent out this past Friday. They want it pronto. Well now the culture difference comes into play.You do not rush a Mexican. They will go slower. Unless GOD gives us mercy this could take a week. I am praying for that mercy. Carlos, the translator will call in the morning. He has to be at school at 8am which is the best time to reach our caseworker here at DIF or between 2 and 3pm. He will try each break he gets. I have just got off the phone with another lady who doesnt know if they will talk to her about it. She is working on her own adoption and speaks very good spanish. But she said to let her know tomorrow and all we can do is try. So if that paper gets back to uscis before the adoption is complete we are good. Gladney says even if it doesnt we are still good. That they have had americans come down here and adopt and then find out the work to get the kids into the US. SOOOO..Then once all this is done,adoption finalized, we go to get a new birth certificate, 2 days or so, medical exam, and passport and signed adoption decree we are home bound. NEXT CATCH, mexican passport to do from Juarez can take 4 to 6 weeks because it has to go to Mexico City. Well Gladney said they have a connection in San Luis Potosi, which is about 20 hours from here that might be able to go with us to Mexico City and get the passport in a week. Can save 4 to 5 weeks..We would fly I would think. 24 hour drive doesnt sound good to me and there are all kinds of driving and vehicle restrictions here in Mexico. So that is the adoption news..Are you confused? WELCOME to what I have had since I arrived. Two different cultures trying to do politics together..Sounding pretty entertaining? Only if you are not involved. I cannot tell you the feelings that Flooded me the minute I read the e-mail..The first was RUN RUN..GOT TO GO..A trait that as a teen I did not deal with mature. All tho I did go for about a 2 mile drive. Praying out loud for my Helper to come. Then came back here and prayed some more outside, trying not to let Sandra know my total sense of nothing to what was going on. I called a friend who was great and said Sharon there is no way this adoption is finalized. The city judge just signed it and it has to go to CHIHUAHUA and back and then be public notice for a week..So I believe we are good with that and prayfully wont have to do other papers for a different way..Then will DIF let us have this letter quickly? Only GOD knows the answers to these questions. Everyone I have talked to that is adopting, which is many, says that each one is so different..Gladney sent an encouraging letter saying that we are pioneer the path and way for many kids to get new and permanent families. I just pray to be able to see the BIG PICTURE..I see all the kids here every day ..Needing homes and families..I know the need.I look at Sandra everyday and know that if it were not for the fact that GOD put us together in two years she would be put out of the DIF system to the street. I know of no homes or help for kids who have grown up in orphanages that turn 18. There was a mentally handicap boy,Agustin, who turned 18 and out he went..To the streets..Mentally handicapped and in the orphanage in the first place because of the abuse he had recieved while on the streets as an orphan. I loved him and have never forgotten him. I still watch the streets in hope of one day seeing him. It has been 5 years now. Then Mari and Marina ,sisters, who grew up in an orphanage and when they turned 18 out they went.Praise GOD that Casa de la Nueva Vida had work for them until it closed and now they were blessed to find a 40ish married couple with 3 kids of their own that took them in. Except now the husband has been out of work for 3 months. Finding odd jobs to try and make ends meet. They sent their two older kids to the ladys moms for now..But they still have Mari and Marina..I so want to help them but this adoption is draining us..God has promised to care for his..I have to believe he will. The couple they live with are christians..So.I did talk to one non profit who said if I could gather info for them they might be willing to help the people because of Mari and Marina..They also knew them for Casa de la Nueva Vida..So we will survive this. GOD;s plan is much bigger than just us...Sandra is an amazing girl who is OUR DAUGHTER NOW..I dont care if I have papers or not..and told her that in therapy last week..We are praying together at night. Something I missed with my son. I realized last night about all of my control and things I had let go of to GOD since I arrived..GUESS what I forgot to give?? our daughter...I had been so caught up in doing the papers for her to be our that it slipped that she is not truly ours...She is GOD's. He is just trusting her to us to show her his ways...and help her grow and know family. We are family and soon we will be with the rest of our group to learn the family things that we so easily dont think about..Thank you lord for speaking to me about Sandra and her being yours and that I should release her to you. Help me to have strength as only you can give, peace that is only thru you, wisdom of you, and endurance..I love you lord and want to please you with all my heart...IN HIS NAME,,amen
Hap, I know you know what today has felt like. I am so happy to have you. We are one. I so pray that we will be together soon. I love you..your wife forever..

No News

No news..But we stayed busy all day. Laundry for me this morning and while I wash and dry Sandra cleans the apartment. Then we chilled a couple of hours and then John came and we headed out to the Saint Teresa crossing to pickup Noe. It is about an hour or more out there but a beautiful ride. It is at the corner of New Mexico, Texas and Mexico. One mountain range is El Paso the other Juarez. Timing was perfect and we headed back. His mom arrived here at the apartment about 20 after we did and then we headed over to the expo, Which is a big fair they have here in Juarez every year. Faith and her sister were there and 2 interns that have been at IFM for a month and are heading back to the states tomorrow. We were also looking for a boy who was adopted by an american family last year and he hadnt completed all his papers yet to stay in the states. He ran away a few months ago from Washington and had come back here. He had called and had been picked up by DIF and wanted his adoptive parents to come and get him. He said he had made a mistake. Then he ran away from DIF and is somewhere out in the city of Juarez. We thought maybe we would see him at the expo because last year we found one of the runaways there working. But no luck this time. Maybe we will check back in another week. The expo just opened and word of work might not be out yet. The fair is the place for runaways or street kids to get work in Mexico. No checks on you of any kind and no age limit. It was a day of staying busy. Not much still time to let it sink in that I heard no news today from either side. I had be feeling like this morning I was starting to sound like a repeating recording of my prayers to GOD. But over and over in the psalms David repeats himself.But tonight while I was studying the bible I felt GOD saying "Sharon what are you doing with your spare time besides waiting to hear from humans? Are you telling Sandra about your relationship with me? Are you praying with Sandra about the adoption?" I got up and changed the prayer thing right away as she prepared for bed. She knows I read the bible, she sees me. She knows from therapy that Hap and I took a year of prayer about the adoption before making our final decision. SO, I know GOD has given us this daughter to honor him. I want her to have a praying mother.I want her to learn to pray. I have never been one to pray much publicly but it is time to change that. I missed that with our son. I didnt become a christian until his late teens. GOD has given us one of the fatherless...He wants her for himself. We are just the tool. To guide her. To be an example..And I intend on listening to what I felt in my heart today. Like I have said before GOD has given us this time here to prepare me. I need to focus more of my time on what it is I am suppose to be doing for God instead of waiting on news each day. LORD, give me the strength and courage to step out and be the GODLY woman to a daughter that you have brought us together to be. Help me to show her the love I have for you and the trust in you that I have. That you do head our house so she will learn to also be a servant of yours. I give Sandra to you GOD. Please let me be able to hear you. Thank you for what you are doing and for being patience with me..In the name of JESUS, amen

Hap, I miss you very very much, Thank you for understanding today how much spending time with other americans and chat time helps me. I really missed hear your voice as much today. We will make up for it tomorrow. Thank you for being such a wonderful husband and man of GOD. I love you.

Early Start

Our day started early. I was up at 5:30 hopeing to have water for a real bath. Thank you, we had a trickle upstairs which was just enough to get wet under..Lucky for me, not Sandra. When she got up at 6, NO MAS...It was bucket bath time again. I am not sure what is going on but this is 2 straight days like this..Hopefully tomorrow..We headed out at 7:20 and went to her church and then over to Carlos',the translator, and followed him and his mom to their church..What a refreshing time..It was just worship. From 10:30 to noon when we had to head out to get Sandra ready for an outing she had planned..The time at church was just what I needed..It has been 2 months since I have attended any church other than Mass which like I have said I dont understand. This service was all spanish but I had a spanish/english bible to follow along in for the short reading time, but the rest was just singing...and worship..I have alot to be thankful for and a great GOD to thank for all he does and has done for us..and that was what the service was about. So now I am just hanging out waiting for time to go and pick up our girl. Tomorrow is laundry day..Monday..and house cleaning day. Tomorrow after noon John from IFM is coming over and we are all riding to the Santa Teresa crossing which I think they said was about an hour from here to pick up Noe, another boy who is being adopted. He has been on vacation for 6 weeks in south Mexico somewhere while his mom has been in the states and she wont be back in time to meet him and his ride..She is part of the adopting circle of people I have come to know while here. We all do what we can for each other from rides, Picking up papers, dropping off papers to whatever..It is good to be apart of this network..Helping to try and get these kids homes and families..That is some of what keeps me occupied. Which I really need. I have been reading alot of psalms and during the worship today I could just picture David and his people singing and praising our GOD. Well its time for bed and time to start a new day and week tomorrow...Praying that we have some progress in the way of getting us closer to Florida...Hello to all of you back home that follow..Thank you for your support for me and Hap during this time of seperation. It helps me alot to know that there are people who have not forgotten what we are doing and it gives me a connection to home to hear that people do read this blog..GOD's blessings to all..

Activity Around the House

There has been activity around the house. The neighbors with the two young kids came home yesterday from a 5 week vacation to Mexico City to visit relatives. Then we have the new neighbors on the other side that have been there about a week now. They are a young married couple that also works for YWAM. So after about 4 weeks of just Sandra and I it is nice to hear noise and see people moving around. Our apartment building sets back off the dirt road about half a block and is surrounded by a 11 foot block wall. So we are isolated back here. Which is nice and secure but it was very quiet with everyone gone. The 5 years old little girl came for a visit with her mom and another 1 year old the mom was watching..Then after they left next thing I knew Kristen,the little girl came back over "to play". So we played alittle while..Sure made me miss my TY man..Pam, my daughter in law called last week because Tyler was asking where his gammy was. She told him Mexico and he wanted to talk to me..It was great to hear his voice..Sandra and I just hung out today. Slept till 8 am, got up watched a movie. Then I made a grocery list and headed to the grocery store. Came home and watched another movie. So we have been lazy today. I sure miss Florida. I never heard anything stateside on the adoption Friday. So I am just praying and hopeing that the papers also started moving on that side..As far as Sandra, she is doing well. Surprised me today when we had to tell her NO to a request to go and do something. She handled it very well. I was amazed. She is a good person. I am thankful..Tomorrow we are going to get up and go to her mass and then go over to Carlos' and go to church with him..It has been awhile and I am looking forward to some worship and teaching. Hap has some friends over to watch fights on TV. I am glad that he is find things to occupy him while I am away..I love and miss you my husband.. Well that is the exciting blog for today. I hope and pray that next week will show some movement and good news..Please continue to pray for us and the adoption..The process has been very trying at times. Timelines not what they have been said to be. Things not the way they were said to be. I just want to do what is right.So I know when the time is right I will be back in Florida..But here lately it has been very hard..I have had to guard my mouth and my heart at times to make sure I stay pleasing to GOD. I have had to just give it all to GOD and not think about any of it..I just do what I am to do each day the best I can. I can not think ahead. I can not plan anything. I just live each day..Thanking GOD for my family and that I am able to rely on him for my needs and strength..
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

Hope

There is alway HOPE. Which is what I live on these days. Our papers are on the move in Mexico now. Judge has signed the first resolution. Whatever that means. I asked how many more and no one knows. We are waiting for them to come back from Chihuahua and then to somewhere else.I believe.I will try and get details next week. Our caseworker was out of the office today even tho we had an appointment with her at 2pm. I know these people try and help the children here but I just dont think I will ever understand how things work. One day it is this way and the next it changes. You just do what you can do and trust the rest to the LORD. Same Stateside. You can go to any other country and adopt a children and bring them right in..But not in Mexico. Makes we want to fight for these kids..It is the same thing that has been bringing me back here for the last 9 years. The same thing that GOD has rekindled in my heart since the bad stuff with the orphanange last year that we were commmited too. There is so much need here. Kids and People in general..But first things first, our daughter. I am hopeing that papers also started to move this direction stateside today. I never heard anything which could be good, could be no news..You never know in this world of adopting..I could write for hours about storys of children and adoptions going on..But I HAVE HOPE. A hope that this will soon be finished and I can return home..My husband needs us and we need him so much. My mom, I have not seen her since her FALLS. She sounds well and Hap and everyone tells me she's ok but I so want to see her and let her know I am ok and that I so love her..But I have HOPE that it will be soon. My son and grandson..I MISS HOME.. Psalms have been carrying me the last few days...Just to hear Davids heart for GOD. His praises and his complaints..I can so understand. We had therapy again this morning which was great. One more session in two weeks and we are finished here. I told her our story of how we meet her and my first memory of her and then the nightmare of not knowing where she was for a year. That we continued with the adoption stateside not knowing if she would understand that we were working towards getting her.Working and wondering if she would even still want us. Just how much the reunion of us at DIF meant to me..The hug and tears I will never forget..And how blessed we feel that she is our daughter regardless of if a peice of paper says it yet or not..She asked permission to be our daughter...Rip your heart right out. She asked permission to be part of our family..Rip it out again..She and I have come along way..She has never know even a thought of a mothers love. I feel honored...Now we just have HOPE that GOD will bless the hands of everyone who touches our papers and they will come faster than anyone can believe...I can and do have HOPE
p.s. I hope you catch lots of fish tomorrow my husband. I love and miss you so..

Always Find Some Good

Even on days like today I look for the good. GOD is always doing his plan and there is always good if you open your eyes. I have had a hard 36 or so hours..The emotions wanting to kick in..Tears wanting to flow..But our first resolution is back and we hope after therapy tomorrow to go and get it and see what the next step is.Guess I will go ahead and ask what time they are thinking. Also the papers are leaving USCIS and heading for NVC[national visa center]in the next day or so.Then there is at least another 3 weeks or more to finish stateside stuff..There is always good. GODS good. Our neighbors, David and Ale and thier kids returned today from over a month long vacation. We had wondered when they left if we would see each other again and we have..It is really nice to have neighbors back on both sides again. Sandra and I were the only ones here almost the last month. I never felt unsafe but it is nice to have the activity. I am praying that GOD will grant us favor with the rest of the adoption. I am having more hard times with homesickness,lonelyness, language, culture, etc. I literally feel stripped to nothing. I do well for awhile and then a flood comes over me..But there I must remember GOD is showing what Sandra will feel when in Florida. Tho the seperation from a husaband of 30 years will not play a factor for her...I was reading Psalms 69 today.
Save me,O GOD! For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold;and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my GOD.
THen I skipped to verse 13
But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD.
At an acceptable time, O GOD, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.
Deliver me from sinking in the mire;
Then to verse 16 Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.
Hide not your face from your servant, for I am in distress, make hast to answer me.Draw near to my soul, redeem me;
I have found psalms really gives me the peace and presents of the LORD with me. David could cry out the thoughts of his heart. I caught myself thinking, How dare I ask for more.He has given us a daughter,health,etc.. But I know he wants me to tell him all of my heart..I am not strong and unshaken..Only GOD is that, I must rely on Christ to help me when I start to feel overwhelmed. Today I call to you LORD, Come to me and help me..Let me feel your wings over me..Because I KNOW that only you can satisfy my soul.
I miss and love you more today than yesterday. I so thank GOD for you and all you do.

Sandra's Day

Sandra is offically 16 now. Hard to believe this girl we meet some years back is very much a young lady. I so wish it could have been a BIG blow out. I think she has enjoyed it. We shopped and she picked out a new outfit. We went and tried to have her upper ear pierced but here it is VERY different than the States..Thank GOD no one was there to do it because they dont have small earrings for upper ears. They are like when you want to gauge your ears to LARGE holes. I plan on having her wait until we get to Florida and we will do that there. Then we went to Barrigas, a nice restaurant over by the American Embassy and had dinner. Then stopped and picked up a cake and some ice cream for later. She had a friend with her and all of us ate so much we are waiting on the cake.
THE ADOPTION..I recieved an e-mail today from DIF that they have the first resolution from the judge. YEAH, another step toward the end. Carlos had school all day. Did not even arrive home till 6pm. So he thinks he will be able to call in the morning and see what we are suppose to do. I will hopefully know what the next step on this side will be tomorrow. I didnt hear anything Stateside today. Maybe tomorrow. I know this is where it gets touchy because we cannot sign the final papers on this side until we hear from stateside. Please keep our papers in your prayers. This is not over yet.. I know everyone else has their own things going on. I was watching the news earlier about the 2 journalist that were just released from North Korea. I watched their reunion with their families and I SO wished it could be mine. But I am thankful that things are where they are suppose to be in the LORD's time. SOON..I am also thankful for the renewing of my heart for Juarez..I am finding more and more things that could be done here for theses people that touched me 9 years ago..Only GOD knows what and when..
May the LORD anwer me in the day of trouble. May the name of the GOD of Jacob protect me. May he send me help from the sanctuary and give me support from Zion. May he remember all my offerings and regard with favor my sacrifices. May he grant me my heart's desire and fulfill all my plans. May I shout for joy over my salvation, and in the name of our GOD set up my banners. May the LORD fulfill all my petitions. Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed. he will answer me from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in money and some in possesions, but I trust in the name of the LORD our GOD. They collapse and fall but I rise and stand upright. In the Name of Jesus I ask you these things...Amen.
To my dear dear husband..Soon I pray that we will have the reunion that I saw today. When we will be together again as a family complete and serving the LORD..I love you!

Tuesday

Can you guess what day it is? It has been a really slow day. Didn't have water all night and late into the morning. So we just did the bucket bath thing. I dont know if I had mentioned that at least once a week we lose water for a few hours at the time. This was the longest since we have been here. I am so HAPPY that the water issue was the first thing the neighbors mentioned so we always have buckets, jugs, and a big tub full of water to flush the toilet with. Of course some is in cleaner jugs to wash our hands with and what ever else we want cleaner water for..Still wouldnt drink it. We have 2-5gall. jugs that we fill for 10 peso. Which is a little less than a dollar at the water fill stations around town for drinking. We have been making plans for the big day tomorrow..Her 16th birthday. We are going to do some shopping in the morning for a new outfit,and also have her upper ear pierced and go out to dinner with a friend. She was so excited when I told her what Dad and I wanted to do for her birthday. Just sad[both of us] that Hap isnt here and all the family isnt together to celebrate. But it will not be long and we will have a grand celebration when we get home..Probably a few of them. Family first. My side of the family which lives in Auburndale where we live and then to North Florida for Hap's side. It is getting closer...
On the adoption, nothing today from either side. I spoke to Carlos, and he is going to try and call during his spare time tomorrow and see if DIF has any news. I will check with Gladney also and see if they have heard anything. Would that not be great to hear something from both sides in the same day? I wont hold my breath or anything. But I can have HOPE.. GOD is good. I can look back over the last 2 months and see so much that has changed in me. I also got to thinking about how many people I know or have met that are adopting from here in Juarez. John's family [IFM John] is trying to adopting 3 brothers from the old orphanage. Been at it over 2 years. Their kids have been going thru the loss process which is where different blood relatives of the kids keep showing up asking for custody..All have been turned down..They are HOPING something will move for them soon. Krendi and family from Austin are adopting a brother and sister from the old orphanage. Theirs is moving smoothly, alittle behind us. Gwen, who is meet when I arrived here. She adopted a brother and sister, has all work done for the girl and visa but ran into a snag with the boy and his visa..So she is stuck half between the states and Mexico, The couple from Kentucky who I just introduced to Gladney who are adopting 2 kids. They realized they had to have an agency to finish. Then there is some friends from the old orphanage who I thought finished the adoption of Ivan but now they are having trouble finishing and I just today gave them info for Gladney. Oh yea,John has other friends who are adopting another boy from the old orphanage, Moises. I am not sure what is going on with theirs. That is 12 kids I know that have a HOPE of a better life. GOD is GOOD. So when there are days like today it gives me time to think. To study on the Lord. To see all the good that is happening around me and to be thankful that We all have THE HOPE.......LORD, I ask that you give us all the Hope and peace to finish these adoptions. The strength to handle the inbetweens, and Your Wisdom to know how..In JESUS name....
PS...mi amor, mucho mucho...MY HUSBAND..

Trickles of News

I heard a trickle of news today. Beth, our caseworker with GLADNEY, sent me an e-mail and said that the person reviewing our papers for immigration was out of the office today but the other person said that everything was looking good..So maybe the papers will be on the move again in the next day or so on the US side...YEAH!!!! The Mexico side ,nothing yet. Today was the Dif caseworkers first day back from a 2 week vacation. If there is one thing I have found out down here it is YOU DO NOT PUSH DIF. They will freeze up on you in a minute. Plus I am sure she was flooded with catch up work. So Prayfully we will wait and hope that the US side gets things together about the same time as the Mexico side...Today we did our regular Monday in Mexico things. I go to the lavadoria and wash clothes while Sandra cleans the apartment. Then I headed to the grocery store and picked up a few things. Came back and started supper. My two burner hotplate takes awhile to tenderize meat. After it had cooked for awhile I turned if off and we ran over to Carlos' to drop off some papers from another American family that is adopting, for Carlos to take to DIF sometime this week. He started back to nursing school today,So we will have to work around his schedule for awhile. But he is real easy to work with. Carlos is a missionary but because of hard times in the economy in the states and Canada there are alot of missionarys that are having to leave the field and find work because so many people are scared to come down here with all the "Violence". Yes, there is an abundance of military and government police, all with really big machine guns but I know there are just as many killings in big cities in the US. The need for outreach for the LORD down here is excessive. I am praying that GOD will lead Hap and I back down here soon to do something. IFM has taken a big hit too, with groups cancelling. Soup kitchens are in great need of funding..The economy has been hit hard here also. Carlos was telling me of one that feeds up to 150 children in "one" colonia a "day" that is struggling to provide food. It has also started to except the elderly because of none of their kids can find work to help with just the need of food. We think that times are hard in the States, I am sure in places it is..but this city is unbelievable, just to drive around and look. It hurts my heart everytime I leave the apartment and open my eyes without blocking it out. God seems to keep my eyes wide open here lately..I think he is telling me something. Anyway,Sandra and I are good. She has a birthday Wednesday...the big 16. I am going to try and think of something special since Hap cant be here..I am sure all is going to be fine..Continuing to trust and rely on GOD for everything. Resting in peace that all is being done that can be..But hoping that soon I will be home for awhile to get this family rolling. We are at the place that we need to be with Hap at our HOME. Not this temp. place. She is getting restless and so am I. When it is GOD's will, away we will go...Please pray for our papers and everything to start coming together in GOD's time...Looking forward to seeing everyone.
P.S. To my husband,,you know the words..and the thoughts...Sleep well..I know that is where you are now..In dream land..I love you..

Separation

Today is Sunday. The day I go to stare at CHRIST on the cross..Today was different than the other Sundays..As I stared at the cross it became a REAL vision of just what GOD did for all of us..He gave his son as the perfect sacrifice of all. To give us life with him forever. What a joyful thought. Without that cross we would be separated from GOD with no chance..But then I begin to wonder where and when did all the seperation in the beliefs and different rules come in? How could it all become so seperated that I cannot have communion with these other believers is Jesus? All questions I am sure someone I know would have an answer for.[Probably alot of different answers depending on who I asked] But then I decided that I can have communion in my heart right there as these others that believe in JESUS did theirs..Without offending any of them by just getting up and doing it anyway. I want to show our Daughter grace, not rebellion and I remember that in Romans 14 it talks about differences in beliefs. Also in Mark 9 when John came to Jesus about others casting out demon in his name and He told them not to stop them. If it was done in Jesus' name they were not against them.. So I had communion with my Lord today. In my heart. With true thankgiving and vivid remembrance for his gift. Remembering too, that I am not to judge..Only GOD will do that..Lest I be judged the same.. I still dont understand and never will all the different "rules" that separate. I only know what I read in the bible and what the spirit helps me understand. I so look forward to growing with Sandra as she continues her walk and hopefully see her digging into the bible herself and seeing what GOD's word says.... So that was the start of my day. Which has given me something to study on for awhile.
Sandra and I are doing well.. Praying that we will hear something on the Mexico side this week and maybe even the States side..Only GOD knows when..In the mean time we will continue to bond and get to KNOW each other . I am starting to get excited about everyone getting to meet our daugther. I am still fighting the separation feelings from Hap. This has been the longest in 29 years we have been apart.But I know that this is just for a time. He might have to come down to sign some papers towards the end. We just have to wait and see and pray that we get alittle notice for better airline fares...P>S> Hap, I was looking at the moon tonight and thinking if you were awake I could have you go outside and even tho we are separated in two different countrys we could both be looking at the same time at the same moon that GOD created..I LOVE YOU!!!

Settling In

I am realizing that over the last few days I am having a peace and settling feeling about being here. Which has to sides of emotions..I really miss home and will be very happy to get back and see all of my family. The other is I have made some amazing friends here that will be sad to say goodbye too. Carlos and his mom. Of course Faith and John. Faith is a friend from back home. The wonderful people at IFM and House of Cornelius. Georgia, who has the kids home in Fabens. Sandra's God parents, Sylvia and Luis. We were over there this evening for dinner. There are some wonderful people here..So when I tell Sandra that we will be back for visits, it is the honest truth. I DO NOT want to lose touch with these people who have become a big part of this time in my life. There is also alot of ministry work to do here also. I have always had a heart for Juarez and I want to find a way to continue the work we have been doing here for the last 8 years or so. One more day till Monday when prayfully this side will start giving us some news on the progress of the Adoption. All is good. Please be praying for the adoption and paperwork to speed along. Pray for our family bonding in Florida.For my mom's recovery, and for the next steps of ministry to the people here in Juarez.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.
Isaiah 26:3,4

I LOVE you my husband and long to hear your voice each day. Even more so for when the time comes that we will be reunited...